It was your warm embrace that pulled me out of the dark

one minute

Chapter 4:
Pepa is in the kitchen cleaning up. She has been cooking all day. Burritos, Pozole de pollo o guajolote, Menudo, Tamales, albondigas........She made enough food to feed the whole neighborhood. But that's what she always does when she's worried about something or someone. And right now she's worried about Buck. Eddie told her what happened. That poor boy. She really likes Buck. He's such a good kid. Christopher talks about him all the time. He tells her about all the adventures he has with his 'Bucky'. About every science project he helps him with. About movie night and baking cupcakes together.
She also knows how much Buck means to her nephew. She sees the way he looks at him. She hears the way he talks about him. And even though Eddie had never told her, she knows he loves him.
Peppa looks at the clock. Eddie should be here any minute now. He called her about an hour ago. She had just put the enchiladas, Abuela made for them, in the oven. Christopher is in the living room. He wanted to make a 'feel better' card for Buck, to cheer him up. He's sitting on the floor at the coffe table with his crayons.
It was nice to have him around for a couple of day. They had a lot of fun. But he sure missed his dad. And Buck.
Christopher gets up from the floor and walks into the kitchen to show Pepa what he made.
"You think he'll like it?"
Pepa takes the card from him.
"Oh, I'm sure he will mi cariño. It's beautiful"
She hands it back to him and gives him a kiss on the forehead.
"Go grab your things, your dad will be here soon"
"Okay"
Christopher rushes over to the guestroom to pack his backpack. He's excited to go back home. He had a great time with pepa and Abuela but he missed his dad and Buck a lot. Pepa has told him that Buck isn't feeling very well. That he's pretty sad about something that has happened to him. She woudn't tell him what it was though.
 
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"Are you sure you don't want to come with me to pick up Chris?"
Eddie asks when he gets out of the shower.
"Yeah...I'm not feeling so well....I'd rather stay here, when that's okay...?"
Buck answers.
After he wook up a couple of hours ago, they had lunch together. Buck wasn't really hungry but he managed to eat half a sandwich. Eddie had made him another cup of tea and helped him into bed, where he took care of his leg.
"Ofcourse it is....I just don't feel comfortable leaving you alone like this"
Eddie takes a shirt from the drawer and pulls it over his head.
"I know.....But it's okay. I'm f....."
He cuts himself off, because clearly he's not fine. He's not fine at all. He feels terrible. His head is pounding, his leg hurts and he is nauseous. But Eddie already does so much for him, he doesn't want to bother him with his stupid feelings right now. He doesn't want to be a burden.
"...Not fine...Obviously. But good enough to stay alone for an hour. You go get Christopher. Don't worry about me"
Eddie sits down on the bed next to Buck and puts on a pair of clean socks.
"Alright then....Can I get you anything before I leave?"
"No thanks"
"Okay...." Eddie gets up, leans forward and without thinking about it, he gives Buck a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be back in an hour"
It's only till he reaches the door, that he realizes what he has done. 'Fuck' He turns around and sees Buck staring at him.
"Sorry...I...Uhm....Dad reflexes" he stutters.
Buck feels that he's blushing. Eddie just kissed him. Only on the forehead. But still. Eddie kiised him.
"No Problem." He laughs shylie
Eddie gives him a smile back and then quickly turns around before Buck can see, his face turned into the color of a tomato.
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Pepa just finished cleaning up when Eddie walks in. He looks tired and worried.
"Hey mi hijo! Come here"
She takes his face between her hands and kisses his cheeks.
"Hey Pepa. Thank you for helping me out with Chris"
"No problem. Christopher, your abuela and I had a great time"
"I'm glad you did"
....
"So how is Buck?"
Eddie sighs and rubs a hand through his face.
"Not good. Not good at all."
"Did he manage to give his statement?"
"He did...Athena was there this morning. But it was hard"
"I can only imagine. Poor boy...Where is he now?"
"Home.....I asked him to come with me, but he said he wasn't feeling well...."
"You're worried about him"
"I am....I just wish there was something I could do"
"You're already doing everything you can mi hijo"
"Feels like it's not enough"
"Ofcours it does"
Eddie raises an eyebrow and looks at her with question marks written all over his face.
"Oh Edmundo, when someone you love is hurt like that, there's not a thing in the world you can do, that makes you feel like you do enough"
Eddie whipes a lost tear from his face.
"I really do love him"
Pepa takes him in her arms.
"I know you do.."
"Daddy!!"
Christopher comes rushing towards his dad.
"Hey buddy!"
Eddie lets go of his aunt and wraps his arms around his son.
"I missed you so much"
"I missed you too daddy.....Where is Buck?"
"He's at home, waiting for us. You're ready to go?"
"Yep"
 
"Here. I made you boys some food"
Pepa opens the fridge and takes out the food containers.
"And abuela made enchiladas"
"Some food?" Eddie laughs. "That looks like a lot of food"
"Yeah well, you need to take care of your boys and you can't cook"
"That's true dad" Christopher laughs
"Hey I can cook.......a little"
Now they all laugh.
"Okay. Okay. Thank you Pepa"
Eddy thankfully accepts the boxes of food and brings them to his car, while Pepa takes the oven dish with enchiladas from the kitchen counter and grabs Christopher's backpack from the floor.
"I forgot my card for Buck"
Christopher runs back into the house to get it.
 
Eddie gives Pepa another hug
"Thanks for everything. I appreciate it"
"You're welcome. Please give Buck my love, okay?"
"I will"
 
"Got it!"
Christopher holds the card in his hands and gives Pepa a kiss before getting into the car.
Eddie makes sure he's buckled up and then jumps behind the wheel.
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Buck's lying in bed stairing at the sealing. He tried to sleep, he is so tired, but he keeps thinking about.....everything actually. His brain just won't shut up. Dr. Wells, the attack, his statement, the tsunami, losing Christopher, the bombing, the laddertruck, his leg, he even thought back about the rollercoaster incident and about Devon. His head is filled with tragedy. It's too much. He wishes he could just turn it off. Even if it's just for a minute. One minute of peace. One minute to breathe. Just one fucking minute to clear his head. BUt no. Nis brain won't give him a minute. Not even a second. Atleast not when he's alone. He looks over to the alarm clock on the nightstand. Eddie should be back soon.
The bed feels so emty without his friend next to him. He feels cold and lost without Eddie's arms wrapped around him. He knows it's only because he's going through so much right now, but Eddie's embrace feels like home. It him feel loved. It makes him feel safe and protected. It makes him foret. With Eddie he gets that minute of peace. With Eddie he can breathe. With Eddie he gets the chance to clear his head. Not just for a minute. He gives him so much more than just a minute. He gives him everything.
Buck thinks back about that kiss Eddie gave him earlier. He knows it probably didn't mean anything, but it still makes him smile. Eddie's lips against his Forehead gave him a warm and comfortable feeling inside.
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Eddie pulls over into the driveway. He's glad to be back home. He really doesn't like the idea of Buck being alone right now. He helps Christopher out of the back seat and opens the front door for him.
Buck is already waiting for them in the living room and jumps up the moment he sees Christopher coming through the door.
“Buck!!!”
 
“Hey Buddy! I missed you!” He picks Christopher up and wraps him in a warm hug.
 
“I made something for you”
 
Buck puts him back on the floor and kneels down in front of him
“You made something for me?”
 
“Yes. look”
Christopher hands him the card he made earlier.
 
Buck accepts it with a big smile on his face
“Wow! You made this? I love it! Thank you so much Chris”
He gives the kid another hug and a kiss on the cheek.
 
In that moment Eddie walks in with his hands full of bags and food containers. He kicks the door closed behind him.
“Hey, you’re up..”
 
“Yeah, I couldn’t really sleep. Here let me help you with that” He takes the stack of plastic boxes out of Eddie’s hands and follows him into the kitchen.
 
“What is all this?”
 
“Pepa and Abuela didn’t want you to starve to death, cause apparently I can’t cook, so they made us dinner…..for atleast a week, by the looks of it”
 
Buck laughs.Eddie really isn’t a good cook.
“That’s very nice of them. How are they doing, everything okay?”
 
That’s so typical Buck, Eddie thinks. Even if he is going through hell, he still asks how other people are doing.
“They’re fine. Pepa told me to give you her love”
 
“Thanks…” Buck smiles
 
“Buck!? Do you wanna play a video game with me? Please!”
 
Buck looks at Eddie, who nods his head.
“Go.I’ll put this away. You want some enchiladas for dinner?”
 
“Yeah, love to. Thanks”
 
“Don’t let them burn dad!” Christopher teases as he takes Buck’s hand and guides him to the living room.
 
“Ha.Ha. Very funny. But I think I can manage to warm these without burning them”
 
—---------------
 
A few hours later they’re stretched out on the couch together, watching a movie. Eddie looks over to Buck. Christopher is wrapped up in his arms. They look adorable. This is something he could get used to. Ofcourse without Buck being traumatized, but he really loves having him around. He loves wrapping his arms around him. He loves falling asleep next to him and waking up with his friend still pressed against his chest. Atleast when he isn’t having a nightmare. Maybe something good will come out of all this. Maybe when Buck is doing better he’ll tell him how he feels about him. How much he loves him.
 
The credits start rolling over the screen and Eddie’s being dragged out of his thoughts by Christopher’s voice.
“Can we watch another one?”
 
“Not tonight bud, you have school tomorrow”
 
“But dad. I want to stay with Buck”
 
“I know you do, but it’s only two more days before the weekend and Buck will still be here when you wake up in the morning and when you come home from school”
 
“That’s right Chris. I’m not going anywhere. You want me to read you a bedtime story?”
 
“Yes, please”
 
Buck gets up and takes Christopher by the hand.
“Well let’s go then”
 
“Dad are you coming? Buck does the best voices”
 
“Yeah, dad come on.” Buck teases and reaches Eddie his other hand.
 
Eddie smiles and follows them into Christopher’s bedroom. After tugging his son in and giving him a good night kiss he sits down at the foot end of the bed next to Buck, who already has a book in his hands.
 
Christopher was right, Buck really does the best voices. Eddie can’t keep his eyes off of him. He is so good with his kid. It only takes about 10 minutes before Christopher falls asleep. Buck closes the book carefully and puts it back on the nightstand next to the bed.
 
“You’re really good at this” Eddie whispers when they leave the bedroom.
 
“Thanks. I really love your kid”
 
“I know you do. And he loves you too”
 
They walk down the hall towards Eddie’s bedroom. It was a long day, they’re both exhausted.
 
“I’ll be right there. I uhm…I really need to take a shower”
Buck mumbles
 
“Okay….Think you can handle it?”
 
“I have to.”
 
“Well…if you need anything you just call me, okay?”
 
“I will. Thanks”
 
Buck walks towards the bathroom and Eddie enters the bedroom. He leaves the door open incase Buck calls for him. He stripps out of his clothes, puts on a comfy shirt and crawls into bed. He’s pretty tired, but he doesn’t want to fall asleep before Buck returns, so he takes his phone and starts scrolling through instagram. A few seconds later a text message comes in from Athena. She wants to know how Buck’s doing and asks him if it’s okay to stop by tomorrow morning for Buck’s signature. He still needs to sign his statement. The sooner, the better. He answers her with a quick text back and puts his phone away, when he thinks he hears something.
 
Buck’s standing in the shower. The warm water runs over his cold body. He did it. He managed to get in. He managed to turn the water on, but now he’s starting to panic. His breathing getting heavier, his heart racing in his chest, tears burning in his eyes. Why is this so hard. Why can’t he just take a fucking shower, without freaking out. He slams his fist against the wall. He needs to pull through. He needs to face it. There’s no tsunami. There’s no danger here. He’s in Eddie’s house. In his bathroom. In his shower. He’s safe. Christopher is safe. Nothing can happen.
He tries to control his breathing but he’s shaking all over his body. The water is nice and warm but he feels so cold. No matter how hard he tries, he keeps thinking about that day. He hears Christopher’s voice echo through his head. He sees the shocked look on Eddie’s face, the fear in his eyes. He can’t take it anymore. It’s too much. He wants it to stop. He wants the voices out of his head, the images to disappear and the pain to go away. He needs a goddamn minute.
 
Eddie gets up from the bed and walks towards the open door. It’s quiet. But he’s pretty sure he heard something. Maybe it was the wind. Just as he’s about to turn around he hears it again. That’s not the wind. That’s Buck.
He rushes over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.
“Buck…are you okay in there?”
 
Buck’s fist hits the wall again...and again…and again.
It hurts like hell, but he doesn't care. He’s so angry and sad at the same time. He feels lost. Broken. Vulnerable. Scared. And it sucks. He doesn’t want to feel this way anymore. He wants to feel something else. Anything but this. So he keeps slamming his fist against the tile wall, until his knuckles start to bleed. He looks down and sees the bright red blood run down over his hand, his arm, onto the floor of the shower, where the water washes it away.
 
“Buck….are you okay in there?”
 
‘Fuck’ Eddie must have heard him. Buck quickly turns off the water and steps out of the shower. He wraps a towel around his waist and runs towards the door to open it, but he slips and hits his head against the sink. ‘Damn it’
A warm strain of blood runs down his face. The room starts to spin around him. For a second he closes his eyes, Damn he is so tired, he could sleep right here on the bathroom floor. But he knows he needs to stay awake. He hears Eddie call out for him.
 
“Buck!? I’m coming in, okay?”
 
“Okay” Buck breathes out
 
Eddie opens the door. Thank god, Buck didn’t lock it. First thing he sees is his friend lying on the floor. He kneels down next to him.
 
“W-what happened?”