Benefits With My Butler [NaLu:Fairytail Fanfiction]

CHAPTER #34

LUCY's POV

THERE'S an awkward silence that surrounds us as I  waited for him to say something. My eyes never leave his face and I can see those emotion that suddenly flashes on his eyes but he just hide it with his smile. I bit my lower lips and held his face "Why are you just smiling Natsu? You should… you should start asking me" I say softly.

"I don’t have a question… please go back inside. It’s cold here"

"Why are you not asking me?" I ask as my eyes clouded with my own tears "Please, ask me"

"Lucy…"

"I had doubt with this marriage," I say truthfully which caught him off guard. I can see pain crosses to his eyes as he look at me "I don’t know if this marriage is just part of your promise to my parents. I don’t know if… if you are just doing this because you want the Heartfilia Empire. I don’t know if everything I had now is true. I had doubts and I’m sure that you had also. So please…"

I didn’t flinched when he suddenly caressed my cheeks "I love you, Lucy Heartfilia"

"You know," I gave him a painful smile "In order for us to work this marriage – we need to communicate to each other. Our love won’t save us for getting hurt, Natsu"

He didn’t say anything and just stare on my face as if he was trying to read what’s on my mind. Suddenly, he raise his hand touches my cheeks "Six years ago, on Heartfilia's garden… why did you lie that day, Lucy? Why you hide it from me?" I can see on his eyes all the pain that he tries so hard to hide it from me.

It was like his question brings me on that day… the day when I heard him happily talking to that someone… the day when I heard him say those three magical words and unfortunately it wasn’t meant for me.

It was for somebody else.

I gave him a smile even though I can feel my heart suddenly clench in pain, "That was the day I learned about my pregnancy, Natsu. And that was the day… the day that… that I heard you saying ‘I love you’ but unfortunately… it wasn't for me."

I saw his lips parted as he stares on me but I just continue "I don't know what to do that time. The pain of hearing you saying those words, the pain of seeing you being happy while talking to that someone crushed my heart. And the first thing came into my mind was to run away" my eyes clouded with my own tears but still I managed to smile in front of him "I know my reason wasn't valid but if the person you love hurt you – the only thing that will come into your mind is to run away. And protect yourself from the pain."

"Lucy—"

I bit my lower lips then my eyes went down on the ground. I can’t even look on his face after I confessed it. I can feel my chest tighten as I remember that day when our child die, "Because of my foolish action… we lost our child."

Those words barely escaped my lips – I don’t know what kind of reaction his making. I'm afraid that he will hate me because of it. My mouth parted when I heard his footstep away from me – I can feel my heart being stabbed by millions of knife. I didn’t bother looking on him as he made his way away from me. The cold breeze enveloped my body but it feels like – I become numb.

I don’t know how long I stayed like that – before I heard a footstep coming towards me and the next thing I knew – a warm jacket covered my body. I slowly look up and there I saw him looking at me worriedly "N-Natsu…you—"

I couldn't finished my own words when he suddenly press his forefinger on my lips – preventing me to speak "The day I saw you in the hospital covered with your blood was the worse and painful day of my life. And hearing our child die that day – broke my heart too. I have lots of questions that day – why did you lie to me? Why did you left? Why did you hide about your pregnancy? I was devastated, Lucy. And you being in coma doesn't help. I lost my hope when the doctor declared you in blue – not once but twice"