Helping Sarah

Chapter 35

Sarah

I fled.

As far away from Cambridge as possible, to the one person I knew for certain wasn't a part of the plot and the lies around Michael.

I had to get away from the rollercoaster of emotions and bad memories that was currently my life. A weekend of pleasure and the joy of rediscovering how wonderful sex and love could be with the right person. A morning of pride in a job well done, elation from praise and from the hope of dreams coming true.

And then all of it crashing to the ground with the exposure of lies and deceit that only brought back bleak memories of other lies and other deceits that had ultimately meant I was left alone and grieving.

All of the pleasure and the joy and the happiness had been shattered like so much glass with a brick thrown through it.

At any other time I would have run to Lisa when I needed to talk to someone, when I hurt, but she was out of the question this time. As were Helen and Benji. I refused to believe my in-laws had been in on Michael's lies, but there was a small, nagging doubt at the back of my mind that they had known all along who he was and that it was only me who was stupid enough to not have seen the full picture in all the clues.

That left only one person.

Growing up more or less in Helen and Benji's house, Ben had always been like an older brother to me, which was a bit strange as I had never seen Andrew in that light. Ben had been solace and help and guidance, whereas Andrew had been breathless excitement and a racing heart and dreams and love.

Right now, I needed the solace. And some guidance.

From Kings Cross Station I took a taxi the last stretch to Ben's flat in Kensington. I didn't have the time to work out busses or the Tube, or the energy to worry about the expense. Even if I wouldn't now have the income from the GoatRace books to help pay my bills.

My head fell back against the headrest in the backseat of the taxi and I closed my eyes. Bit down hard on my lip. It wasn't only the dream of Michael, the dream of him and me together that had grown in my mind and heart over the weekend, I had lost today.

That was, however, the one that hurt the most. The dream of making a living off illustrating children's books had always been a long shot.

I had studiously kept my mind away from Michael and his lies on the train ride to London as I didn't want the other passengers to look askance at me when I broke down in tears. But it was getting harder and harder to distract myself.

I managed a weak smile when the driver asked if I was okay in the rear-view mirror, but I couldn't speak without sobbing so only nodded. He dropped me outside the old Victorian terraced house that had been converted into flats, and I hurried up the stairs to knock on Ben's door.

It took a full two minutes before it opened a few inches.

"Sarah? What are you doing here?"

"Victoria," I said, swallowing down my grimace at the sight of Ben's girlfriend. The little of her I could see through the crack the door was open. "Is Ben here? I need to talk to him."

"No," she huffed. "Of course, he isn't. He's at work."

My shoulders dropped, and I looked down at my feet with a sigh that came from the very depths of me. It was Monday, just past noon. Everyone else were going about their regular lives. It was only mine that had been turned upside down

I shook my head and found a slight smile. "Of course. I'm sorry. I didn't think..."

The apology tapered off when I finally noticed Victoria's short, satin dressing gown and her bare feet and legs. Her hair was mussed, and she was trying to block the little of the flat I could see through the crack of the door, but she couldn't hide the pair of tattered, muddy trainers that were thrown haphazardly just inside the door.