Helping Sarah

Chapter 14

Sarah

The sight of my bare legs and arms in the mirror, the hint of cleavage above the neckline of my dress, was so unfamiliar that I burst out laughing even though there was no one but myself in the flat.

I hadn't worn this dress since before my belly grew too large with Charlie, even though back then it had been my favourite with its knee-length, slightly flared skirt and tiny, blue flowers all over. But these days, my wardrobe consisted more of practical and easy to clean than flowy and pretty. I had neither the time nor the energy to dress up, not with a three-year-old to chase, and my only stipulation now was that my clothes was clean and intact, and that no one who looked at me would see an unkempt or tattered woman who couldn't take care of herself. Or her son.

Turning before the mirror, I bit my lip to keep my smile from growing too big. I looked... almost pretty. A thought to make me laugh again.

I hadn't looked pretty in years, hadn't felt pretty in almost as long, but I liked it. I liked the dress, even though it was a bit tight around my waist and breasts now, but I wasn't going to wear it to Charlie's nursery. I was going out with Lisa.

Charlie was with his grandparents as he was every Friday. It was our regular scheme that either Helen or Benji would collect Charlie at the nursery when their last lecture of the week was over, and he would spend the afternoon and sometimes the night with them. He even had his own room at their house, the room that had once been his father's.

When Helen and Benji had first suggested the Friday scheme, they'd told me it was to give me free time for both work and other pursuits. Those unspecified other pursuits being dating.

I almost cackle-snorted at the idea. I could just imagine Cynthia's or Miss Haines' expression if they found out I was dating. No doubt, in their minds, it would mean I brought home a new man every weekend and introduced a string of unsuitable boyfriends to my son.

So no, I wasn't going to be dating anytime soon. Not until Charlie was older.

Usually, I spent my Fridays with Lisa. Usually, in front of the TV with takeaway, but that wasn't what I wanted to do tonight. For once I wanted to be with people. Not go drinking or dancing or to meet a guy, but I'd suggested we go to the cinema or a café or a show.

I would still be looking over my shoulder for Lenny, but I wouldn't be alone, and the alarm and the spray were in my bag already. And I wanted to go out.

That familiar weight on my shoulders had slowly faded during the bus ride back from the business park, and by the time I walked home from the bus stop, I'd been breathing easier than I had in a very long time.

Thanks to Michael. Talking about Andrew without being met with frowns or suspicions or whispers had even made it possible for me to smile at Mrs Boyce and ask her how her day was going.

The screen on my phone lighted up as it started ringing, and my heart jumped into my throat. I stared at it on my bed, licked my dry lips before I walked over to it and only breathed again when I saw the name on the screen.

"Hi, Lisa. Where do you want to meet? I'm leaving in ten minutes."

"Hey, Sar."

My friend's voice was so unlike the one I knew that I sat on the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she hurried to say. "It's good. Everything's good. But, uhm, I have to cancel tonight."

"Oh." My shoulders fell and my free hand too. It tugged the hem of my dress over my knees. "Well, that's fine. Of course." I didn't have to feign my disappointment, instead it was a struggle to temper it.