Lilacs For me

I remember more then I could say,
more then I would say,
from the first time our eyes had met.
All those childish smiles we exchanged,
those shy giggles we shared,
those bashful yet lingering stares and those silly talks that were made,
as we played,
we had always lacked words,
but were still full of everything that was enough.

Are we old friends?
or old flames?
or just strangers who have crossed paths once again?

If I had asked you,
would you have answered
with something special, unexpected,
or just with those wretched,
"it's been years"
or worse
a face full of questions,
could I be forgotten that simply?
could all our pinks and blues between us faded away, that merrily?

Because now it does feel worlds away,
so unreachable, dreams away,
so unforgettable, memories away,
so remarkable I even question, if it's just a few nightmares away, or nothing more then a delusion I had made.

All these memories feel so trained now,
Love, did you remember those
when our eyes met just now,
after years of this void between us, when you acted like someone stranger then strangers.
would have acted the way you did,
If you had recognized, remembered or knew me?

As I hide away in between these thoughts and questions,
everything we once had seeps apart
joining the void that holds us apart,
seeing you felt as if it was,
only a reminder for me of
everything that I could never have.

I leave behind everything of those years, behind coveredin glitter another golden apple in my tree,
I cant forget everything of now,
that I wish I didn't see,
when you slid in besides me in a swift,
with that playful smile, that held no meaning,
with a look towards me, that held no emotion.
Too occupied with with the joke your friends had shared, "me",
too busy with your laughs and games,
to notice the fear that had shown in my eyes along with the disappointment that was felt in my heart.

Do you not remember anything,
from the days from when we were seven,
like the lilacs that were formed from our love for blues and pink.

That's how another one of my apples had rotten away,
and fell away from my tree of gold,
ad my eyes fell away from yours,
never to meet again,
as I was scared of this you,
that felt so unknown to,
I even wondered,
had we ever known the other or not?

That was the first time for me,
loving a boy,
and letting him taint all the glitter we used to be,
now lilacs for me,
that I had held so deep,
as secrets to me.

~SRI