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Splashing the cold water over his face, Cepheus' palms followed down the same stream that the water went. The coldness caused a small redness to tint his cheeks, his lips smacking at the sight because it was just a little bit of water. Cepheus hating the rosiness that always happened whether it was caused from him splashing water on his face, or those times Cassia managed to get him nervous just from looking at him. The reaction depending on the action.
"Cepheus!" He heard the nurse, Kimberly, knock on the bathroom door. Grasping the edge of the sink tightly, he turned his head in the direction of where the voice was coming from.
"I'm alive, and I done told your ass 500 times I don't plan on killing myself, it was a one time thing. Now please get from this door so I can take a shit in peace, thanks!" He called out, listening out to hear the nurse take a deep sigh with the sound of her footsteps following right after.
Shaking his head, Cepheus turned his attention back to his reflection that stared back at him. His eyes going from his face, and gradually trailing down to the multiple pill bottles that sat along the counter space of the sink. He held an internal battle with himself, his mind telling him to just take them, but he couldn't bring himself to do it physically.
It wasn't that he just didn't want to take them, but they didn't do him well and he knew that. He wanted a better evaluation, wanted proper help, and he genuinely believed the only person would could give him that was the one individual that wanted nothing to do with him. In the hospital, although they didn't abuse him, nobody helped him aside from Leslie who he was beyond grateful for. But in terms of deep evaluations that he needed, they didn't bother because they deemed him as untreatable. But he knew that wasn't true, not after Cassia had made multiple attempts to give him deeper evaluations and give him help that he was opposed to.
It wasn't that he just didn't want help, if he was being truthful he was scared. It always been like that, his only reason for getting therapy in the past being to keep Cassia happy. But aside from that, he would have much rathered not go those lengths. Especially after being named as untreatable, and in ways being shown that exact same thing, he felt as though there was nothing else worth trying for.
And he didn't even believe he was as bad as he was made out to be. He knew he'd done terrible things, what landed him in the position he was in being a clear example of such. But he also knew that 9/10 he didn't just act without being provoked, as most people who were said to be like him did. For someone who had mental problems that were barely treatable, he felt he did a better job masking them than what others did. His main issue was that he didn't understand or know how to deal with his emotions, especially when it had to do with Cassia because saying he was in love with her would be an understatement. He didn't care about the fact that he technically couldn't feel the complete effect of such a thing, but he knew his feelings. All the years and time he took on her, the things she made him feel, not being in love with her seemed like the dumbest decision he could ever make.
