sincerely, asher

eleven

HARLEY

When I turned ten, my parents thought it was best to engage ourselves in a church. My dad's first intentions of going to church were comical, hoping he would make people turn against the church if they let a crazed punk rocker and his family join the congregation. For our first two years as members of the small Hargrove Chapel, church was a joke to my dad. He tried to see how many people he could run off by cussing in front of them during a potluck supper or taking God's name in vain during a deacon's meeting. Then, he started to see a change in my mom and he realized that this Jesus guy was making her happier than he was, so he figured he'd give Jesus a chance. No, my dad is in no way a glorified saint, but neither is anyone else, and somehow, the rest of us are still making it to Heaven. Why not him too?

Jesus must've really played a number on my dad because he's now teaching a young men's Sunday school class, plays guitar in the praise band on Sunday and Wednesday nights, and could be clarified as the unofficial official youth pastor. I've heard some people, mostly the old folks, say they think my dad is going to try to take over the church and turn it into a rock and roll hall. Sorry to bum you out, old people, but that's not going to happen. However, we've gotten in the habit of beating the pastor and his wife to church every time the door opens, which explains why I'm sitting on the front steps of the church waiting on any sign of life to show up, hopefully Ellis.

I being by myself probably isn't the best thing right now. I've kept Ellis with me since Friday night after I blocked Asher from my phone because I knew that she would keep my mind off of him. But unfortunately, my parents and her dad decided to pry us away from each other, so I had all night last night to think about Asher Lancaster and what in the world he could be up to.

I wanted to believe that he was sitting in his room somewhere, his thumbs hovering over my name in his phone, trying to call me again even if he knew his call wouldn't go through. I tried to convince myself that he had kept himself up all night with me on his mind, tossing and turning back and forth, trying to figure out what he did wrong. But, I knew the real Asher Lancaster, the rock star Asher. The real Asher was probably pushing himself into some low class groupie and whispering words in her ears that, in that moment, meant everything to her and nothing to him. And then after he gets through with her, he'll probably go to the nearest bar and drink himself blind. He'll ask for more and more refills of Jack Daniel because what else is a rock star going to do besides shoot up heroin? And after he finishes drinking, he's going to find a really innocent looking girl who falls too hard and too fast in the bar and take her out on a date and make her feel special because that's what rock stars do. They hurt and they sleep and they eat and then they have sex and repeat that same stupid pattern every-

"Earth to Harlz," I hear a voice saying above me. My eyes focus in on Ellis' choice of style for today, a deep blue long romper with her casual choice of "gladiator heels" as she calls them. "How long have you been zoned out for?" She smooths out her romper and sits next to me on the steps.

I shrug my shoulders, pretending like I never zoned out, like I never thought about him. "I didn't zone out. I just didn't feel like talking." Ellis has been a good friend and understands the terms I've come to with Asher, so she hasn't tried to get me to talk about him. She's only helping me forget him.

"Well, you had your eyes closed and I know you weren't praying because you don't believe in this higher powers shit," she says with a laugh and I turn around quick to make sure none of the church staff or my parents were around to hear her comment. If the congregation knew that one of their most prestigious member's daughter wasn't a Christian, my family would out of here like wildfire.

"How do you know I wasn't praying to Muhammad or Allah," I say, trying to get her mind off of me being zoned out. Once Ellis knows that I zoned out, she'll do anything to pry into what I was thinking about and the last person I want to talk about is Asher.