My Way Home

[25] A happy life

ANNABELLE'S POV

I was weak, I was destroyed, mentally and physically. I was getting nowhere as I kept destroying all my hope, I'd thrown myself at that stupid wall nearly 100 times, and each time I was left in more pain than the last, not just physically.

"Come on Annabelle."

This can't be my story, I kept repeating over and over again, I can't be remembered as the girl that saved everyone but herself, the girl that died because she was too weak. I wanted a life, I wanted kids, I wanted to finish school, I wanted to travel the world, I wanted that, no I need that, I disorved that. A happy Life.

A happy life.

We'd played pretand with the girls once, imaging what our lives would have been like if Malachi never happened.

~~~

"Do you ever think about having kids?" Katherine had asked one rainy afternoon, "if we ever get out of here, would you?"

"If we ever get out?" Jennifer had answer, from the old window she was sat at, "Yes."

"I can imaging you with a kid or two," Annabelle had laughed, "one of each"

"Yeah, I'd have two for sure, the girl would be older, Elliot. She'd be the best big sister, looking after her baby brother Elijah."

"I can see it now," Katherine had laughed, "All our kids playing together."

"Hayley, I reckon she'd be a girl mum, two or three," Anna had laughed, her laughed made the other two girls smile, "they'd have Hayley's blonde hair for sure"

Their laughs had filled the room, "mini Hayley's, sounds so odd." Kat had whizzed, dying of laughter.

"Omg mini Anna's!" Jennifer had screamed, "I bet there'd be just like Anna to a fault."

"I can see Anna with like two kids tops, or just the cool aunty." Katherine had joined, while Anna just smiled at two of the girls she was proud to call her family. Truth be told, Anna wanted kids, she always had, when she was younger she wanted just as many as her mummy and daddy, but now, god she felt like she already had kids. She loved all the girls with her whole heart, they were her family, but now she knew what it was like to look after other people better than most her age, she'd taught Jennifer and Katherine about periods, when she was only just learning about them too, she'd shown Vanessa how to tie her shoes, she'd been there for Nessa first words and steps. She'd been a mother to these girls, while bearly getting to have one of her own. Annabelle loved her parents, and she knew they loved her, but she didn't get that childhood every child should, she didn't get her parent long enough to learn everything she knew now. "Anna would be a boy mum." Jennifer's words danced around Annabelle's head, pulling the blonde girl out of her own little world.

"I can picture myself with two little boys, Kol and Ace, I'd name them, Kol would be older by maybe three years, he'd have my blue eyes, while Ace would have my blonde hair." Annabelle laughed, justing thinking about kids made her smile, she'd raise them to be good men, the type that still opened doors, offered there jackets to you when your cold, buy you flowers just because they felt like it, she'd raise good men, Annabelle had promised herself, and others. "They'd be the type of boys everyone could be proud of."

"I see that," Jennifer had smiled, "Anna would raise leaders, not followers."

Both Jennifer and Katherine knew those words were true, Annabelle would be one of those mothers, kids would turn too, if they needed help with anything. She'd been that for them, she'd be that for anyone without a second thought.

"Katherine would have one, a little girl," Annabelle had laughed, "thats all she'd need, one."

"She be Kat's mini me, red hair, green eyes, pale." Jennifer painted a picture in her mind, Katherine in 10 years, aged 27, with a little girl she'd named Blair. Katherine would have had Blair when she was 25, from either a one night stand, or the love her life. She couldn't diecide. "She'd be so sassy, she'd put Kat to shame."

"I can see that," Katherine had laughed, "she'd be the love of my life."

"Amy would have her first kid at 23, a little boy, shortly followed by a little girl at 25 and than she'd have her last at 27 another little girl," Annabelle painted, "Adam, Amelia, and Allie."

"She'd married her husband shortly after Adam was born, and they would raise there kids in the county," Jennifer laughed, Amy always spoke about how her parents would take her to the county, she moo everytime she saw a cow, and she'd try and count all the horses she saw, "they'd have a dog or two, a couple pigs, a horse, named Willow."

"I can see Vanessa with four kids, two or each, the girls would be older, Beatrix, after her mother, she'd be the oldest, than she'd have little Rebecca when Trix is two, she'd be happy two little girls, a husband she married two years after school, and than one day when Trix and Bec are 6 and 4 she'd find out she's pregant again twins, the boys Joseph and Sawyer, the girls would love their baby brothers, and Nessa would be more in love with her life everyday."

"We'd be happy, all of us." Katherine had finsihed, "We'd have that happy life we all disorved."

"Malachi would be an after thought, or just not one at all."

~~~

Annabelle's heart broke, she'd never get that life, a happy life. A good life.

"I wish you were still here, Nessa." The blonde girl sobbed, "I don't know what to do, I'm scared, alone, I'm in so much pain it's not funny, I'm so, so scared."

Annabelle felt like she'd failed, she failed herself, the girls, her parents, her brothers, and worst of all she'd failed Vanessa. She could have saved her, she should have saved her, she was a child, she never got to know the feeling of being loved by her parents, she never knew what it was like to come home and not be scared of what could happen, she never got a childhood.

"I'm so sorry Ness," she cried, "I failed you, I should have saved you."

Annabelle cried that night, cried more than she though humaly possible. It was like someone had flipped the switch, and all she could do was cry, cry for sisters, her parents, her brothers, her life, her childhood, for Vanessa, the girl she rasied from birth to death.

The girl she had imaged having a life, getting out of this shithole, having a family, learning what a mothers love felt like, becoming a mother, a grandmother, taveling the world, Nessa disorved that, she disorved a life, a happy life, one filled with love, happines and so much more.

"I wish you had that, something great."

~~~
Hey it's Jem!
3/ July 22