The Library

chapter 4

7 months later

It’s been 3 months since that heart breaking day. I have been trying to get over my infatuation over Andrew and it keeps getting worse. However it’s not that worse now.

Somehow my heart fathoms that Andrew and I were never meant to be and maybe someday I’ll find someone who will love me like I’m the only one that matters and I shall be successfully able to return the feelings.

But this feels impossible, because I compare every guy I meet to Andrew. I search for his catastrophic eyes everywhere, I look for his smile on every face and this makes it impossible for me to like any other guy. And Andrew? I can tell that he is deeply in love with Lana because he looks at her the way I look at him.

The funny thing is that we still haven’t spoken to each other and yet his happiness means the world to me. The only interaction we have ever had is just smiling at each other.

Whenever he smiled at me I had to look away because my cheeks would flush red and the butterflies that attacked my stomach are a different story. But somehow his smile lit up my day and gave me an unnatural feeling.

After a lot of encouragement from my parents and friends I’ve started writing a book. I’m pretty sure it isn’t a best seller but it feels like I’m pouring down my feelings on a piece of paper. Writing a book is hard because you have a world of possibilities at the tip of your pen and every event leads to another.

This autumn day has my sprits soaring beyond the colorful boughs above. The brilliant shafts of sunlight caress the carpet of reds and golds before me, laid out like a carpet for a royal. Each breath of the fresh air fills me a sense of life that almost makes me want to shout out loud, just to hear my voice echo amidst the trees - like a brave warrior of old.

I've lived here so long that these rough-barked beauties are like loyal friends. I would hug them if there weren't so many of the neighbors’ about, sweeping leaves and walking their dogs. The dogs look so happy, like furry embodiments of smiles. They're so alive in the sunshine that I just want to run my hands through their fur while their tails wag in excitement.

I walked to the library to find Zac, Andrew and Lana in a conversation. Zac was congratulating the couple for god knows what reason. I did not walk up to them to join their conversation but disappeared amongst the shelves to sort out books.

After 15 minutes Zac walked up to me with a few more books in his hand. I was humming a little tune that was stuck in my head since morning. I looked up to him and flashed a warm smile. “Andrew and lana….. uhh… they…. They got engaged!”

stuttered zac. i suddenly stopped humming due to this unexpected news. Surprisingly I found myself smiling earning a confused look from Zac.

“I’m happy for them” I said in a barely audible voice. “has anyone ever told you how much you suck at lying” said zac “your eyes clearly say the truth that you’re sad and want to cry” he continued.

“Crying isn’t always an option zac. We do not always get what we want…” I paused and then looked up to meet his eyes “the world is not a wish granting factory” I said quoting john green from the fault in our stars.

Zac smiled at me and we continued our conversation… not about Andrew of course but about him and Nora. I was sometimes jealous of them. They had something I’ve always dreamt of. A perfect relationship. Sigh! Guess I’ll have to spend my life with cats because there is no fucking way Andrew is stepping out of my brain.

author's note

this chapter was a filler. i'm sorry. i promise stuff gets much interesting. but... they got engaged! not fair.

love ya guys.

xox

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