The Wax Pools

Chapter 5: Decisions Decisions

Thank you so fucking much for reading babes!!! Even if just one other person reads this it means the world to me

Please feel free to comment and tell me what you think, how is the pacing? Hows is the chapter length?

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I was in a trance all day. It wasn't safe to go with them, so why did I still want to? I already felt attached to them, already felt the beginnings of love blooming deep in my chest, consequences of being soulmates. I've already made up my mind really, I have no choice but to go with them, despite them still practically being strangers, and despite the dangers that come with men and the wilderness I wanted to go. Call it stupidity, or being struck blind by hope but it is inevitable that I'm going with them. I know it's inevitable and yet I am still unsure. I can't stop weighing my options in my head, not fully confident in any one. I could barely function that day, lost in my own head. I didn't notice when the sun started to set until Adam and Bear came back. The sound of the door opening and creaking floorboards finally got my attention. 

"Hey sweetheart," Bear was leaning over the counter, grinning at me. "let us take you to the tavern hm?"

"the tavern?" I paused, "I've only been once" I'm not a huge fan of people, or drinking in public. 

"We can go somewhere else, it doesn't matter just let us take you out?" Adam walked to the side of the counter and held out his hand. 

Walking down the street between them felt natural like I was always supposed to be with them. I let them take me to the tavern, maybe alcohol is what I need to tell them I can't go with them. Because I can't, right? As much as I am already getting attached to them despite only having spent a total of maybe a day with them, the thought of leaving is terrifying. Root me to the spot, heart-pounding, chills and sweating at the same time, terrifying. 

The tavern was busy, full of people from the town and travellers. The noise of the crown was almost overwhelming. Seeing my discomfort at the noise Adam interlaced his fingers with mine and led me to a free booth in the corner. Adam slid into the seat across from me, I was watching Bear try and fail repeatedly to signal the very busy bartender. 

"You're beautiful y'know" Adam was looking hard at the table, trying his best not to stare. But he looked up, locking eyes with me. "it feels right, being around you..." he trailed off, clearly wanting to say more but unable to. His words made me feel warm. 

"thank you" I smiled, "I-" I was interrupted by Bear's arrival and subsequent slamming down of three mugs filled with beer. Bear slid into the booth next to Adam. I wanted to say that I felt the same way, that both of them felt like coming home after a long trip. They feel like comfort and safety. I have never had people before, not really. I was an orphan but I knew who my parents were, a sex worker and a customer. She only found out about me when it was too late to do away with the pregnancy but she never wanted kids, after I was born she skipped town and that was that. I didn't mourn the loss of my parents, how could you miss people who didn't know you and didn't want you? But I think this is what family is supposed to feel like. 

I had the beer, it was wonderfully cold and fizzy, then I had another and another, and a few cups of a wonderful fruit wine I couldn't quite put my finger on what the exact flavour of was. I chatted with the boys, my boys. They didn't once ask if I had made up my mind and I was grateful, but it nagged at the back of my mind. I think they know. If I was going to say yes I would have said it already. Then they danced with me when the record player played ever so romantic songs, they spun me around and held me, gods I'm so touch starved. It was wonderful, everything was so wonderful and perfect. 

Being drunk was great, my face was warm, I was happy and forgetting my troubles, and I was horny. So fucking horny. I forgot about this part of being drunk. So pretty please drunk-self don't act on it you know sober-self is not ready for that. I just... need to tell them, need to break it to them easy. They won't want me after that. When most people have left for the night and the tavern grows quiet, the liquid courage does its thing and I decide to tell them. We're sitting down again, them across from me in the booth. 

"ok," I start, and they both look up at me intently, knowing what's about to happen, "I want to go with you, but..." I hesitate, I can't meet their eyes, "I don't know that I can." Tears well in my eyes, I'm hurting myself as much as I'm hurting them. Why have the gods cursed me like this? I finally look at them and they look how I feel, heartbroken. But they don't argue, they don't even speak. 

They're walking me home now, its really late, or early who knows. The cold is making me shiver. Wordlessly I am suddenly draped in not one but two cloaks. I mutter thanks to both of them best I can in my current condition. I wasn't keeping track of how many they had, but from the way they're walking Bear is drunker than I am. When we reach my place Bear drops to his knees on the cobblestone, he clutches at my hands desperately, tears spilling down his face. 

"Please come with us" he chokes out between sobs, he is absolutely plastered. "We just found you"

"Bear c'mon get up don't pressure her like that you drunk idiot" Adam pulls him up and off of me but he keeps sobbing. 

"s-she has to know how much we need her" Adam shakes his head at Bear. 

"I know we need her, but you can't do this to her right now," Adam tells him under his breath. This scene is making my chest ache. 

"You two should stay the night if you want I mean" I shuffle my feet nervously, if I might not see them for who knows how long, possibly never again I wanted to spend as much time possible with them right now.

"Are you sure?" Adam asks, supporting a still upset, but calming Bear. Oh, shit do they think I'm inviting them to be... intimate?

"I-I don't mean like that, I just mean it's late and...I don't want to say goodbye" I answer, blushing furiously. 

"We'd love to"

We get situated in my pile of pillows and blankets, Bear is clutching me to his chest, pressed against his back, at least he stopped crying. Adam lies facing me. 

"I'm sorry he acted like that, he was just drunk"

"I understand" We whisper back and forth to not disturb Bear. He pauses. 

"He means it though, we need you but we won't force you to do anything against your will" Bear closes the gap between us, I'm firmly sandwiched between my boys and loving it, if I died right now I'd be happy. As I'm drifting into unconsciousness I hear him whisper,

"I love you Lily"