Million Dollar Man [H.E.S]

Beautiful

TW! (self harm)

Lana's POV

What Harry said really hurt my feelings beacuse i really went trough a hard time when my parents died and i really put my blood, sweat and tears in to the making of this album.

I dedicated some songs in this album for my parents and when he said the he didn't like the song specilly dedicated to my dad i just couldn't look or be in the same room as him.

So here i was laying in bed and crying into Gemma's arms as i tried not to think to much about my parents and the aftermath of their death. I really spiraled into a bad kind of coping with alcohol, drugs and selfharm, there were times were both Chuck and Chris were forced to take care of me beacuse i was out of my mind.

Chris even had to fight me sometimes but not in a way were he would hurt me but just fighting me to take away bottles of vodka or pills, my worst moment was when my Chuck found me in the shower with a razor blade in my hand and blood running down my thighs and barely conscious.

I heard the door open so i turned my head around still in Gemma's arms and saw that it was only Anne walking inside. She came and sat down beside me and opened her arms, i loosened my grip on Gemma and turned around to hug Anne. She held me tightly and rocked back and forth, i could feel the bed rise from were Gemma was sitting so i lifted my head and looked at Gemma with teary eyes.

"where are you going?" i asked

"i'm just going to change into my pyjamas and getting the big blanket so we can sleep in mum's bed tonight"

"okay"

She walked out the room and closed the door gently behind her, i laid back down and leaned into Anne even more and was just grateful that she was just holding me and not talking.

"how about we get you into you pyjamas and get ready for bed huh?"

I just nodded and Anne reached for my pyjamas under one of the pillows before moving so she was standing up infront of me and helped me put my pyjamas on. One of the reasons of why i let Anne change me is beacuse she was there for me when i was at my lowest, she has seen me drink myself to sleep she has seen me take a handful of pills even though she tried to stop me but she did save me beacuse she made throw them all up again. She has even seen all of my scars already so there is not really much to hide anymore.

Whe Gemma came back they helped me stand up beacuse they know that i get really weak in the legs with all the things going on inside my head.

As we are walking down i hear a sound behind me and i slowly turned my head around and see Harry standing in the hallway with his phone up to his ear and staring at me in shock. I hear Anne sigh before turning to Gemma and gives her my hand for Gemma to take, we continue walking down the hall without Anne and make our way to her bedroom.

When we are in her room Gemma helps me get to the middle of the bed before laying down on my left side and wraps her arm around my waist, i just stare up at the celing with my mind running around in a hundred miles per hour. Anne comes back and does the same thing as Gemma before taking two fingers and closing my eyes for me.

"go too sleep Eliza darling and wake me up if there is anything you need or want to talk about"

I just stay silent and wait for sleep to take over.

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Why did i do this to myself?

So i don't really know anything about dealing with alcohol och drugs but i do know about self harm beacuse i have a really hard time sometimes.

Anyways talk to someone who you can trust if you feel like shit sometimes and don't take it out on yourself becuse i learned the hard way, and if you feel like writing to me 'Do'.

Word count 738

Love

-M.A