Cupid's silver arrow (GirlxNB)

Seventeen

[CW: transphobia; violence; anxiety attack]

I think every little girl has been asked who they want to marry when they grow up by some older relative who thinks it's a cute question to ask a six year old. Or whether they already have a boyfriend when they're probably thinking about when the next episode of their favourite cartoon will air.

I am not a girl, but I was asked those questions a lot when I was a kid and I remember thinking I never wanted to marry.

I lay back on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. My parents are fighting again, and dad's sleeping on the couch today, a glass of whiskey on the floor beside him as I went upstairs.

I'm not sure why they're still married to be honest. There's nothing between them anymore - if there was something there to begin with.

I mean, besides me.

I toss and turn, thinking back on Olivia's words, of her parents going out together on Saturdays. I can't picture my mom going out with my dad every week to do something fun. I can barely picture them together without a fight going on between them.

It's colder when I wake up, like the weather is trying to set up the mood for the Halloween night.

I stretch in my room before putting on my binder. I sigh at my reflection - it'd be so much easier if I were born a boy, if I had a flat chest and a lower voice. My hands fist themselves on my sides as I try to pull my eyes from the mirror, discomfort and disgust creeping up my heart.

I make a vomiting sound as I manage to tear my eyes from myself, shaking my head before putting on my sweater and grabbing my jacket.

Dad's already left for work, and I don't smell coffee, so I think mom's still asleep. I love having the kitchen to myself.

I make myself a sandwich and pour water on a glass before sitting. It's quiet, except for when the wind blows and rustles the leaves, and it's peaceful, except for when I let my thoughts drift to my life.

I clean up, brush my teeth and put on my jacket before stepping out with my shoes on my hands to put them on the porch. I lock the door only to see a familiar car parked on the front.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, but Benji only smiles.

"It's cold! You told me to come when it was cold," he says, reaching to the side to open the door from the inside for me, "now enter, your butt is certainly getting cold out there."

I roll my eyes, entering the car anyways. I usually feel kinda guilty for accepting his lift, but he's already here so why not.

"But seriously, why are you here?" I ask, stretching my legs under the glove box.

"First, we got important business to discuss," he starts, his eyes darting quickly to my face as a smile spreads on his face, "do you already know what you'll dress as for tonight?"

"Yeah," I scratch the side of my face, "Ron Weasley." It's an obvious choice with my red hair, and Dani had a Gryffindor robe to lend me.

He chuckles, "that'd look awesome."

"Will you be pump-king?" I say and he grimaces at the pun.

"Yep. Spooky spooky skeleton, send shivers down my spine," he sings and I laugh. "Max wants to be a little witch."

"Pointy-hat witch?"

"Pointy-hat witch," he nods, parking the car and climbing out. "Our inspiration is that Fairy Godparents episode, you know?"

"Yeah," I fall into step beside him, and we walk to his locker first. "He'll look so cute."

"He will. I hope we get lots of candy, mom grounded us so she's not buying candy for God knows how long."