The Drumbeat Years (girlxgirl)

16

**TW: Foul language, talk of suicide**

16

7th. October 2005 - Night

Once again, she felt her anger rise. She could do nothing but sit, open-mouthed, and stare at Dawn. Those last five words felt like a knife in her heart, because she knew, through instinct, that Dawn meant every word, on many levels. She fought for words that skipped away in her mind. Words of sympathy and bitterness fighting for the opportunity to leave her mouth.

"You selfish cow!" Slamming her hands on the table, she felt tears beading in her eyes. Standing, she alternated between running away and slapping the woman she had loved for most of her life. "How can you do that? We don't see each other for years and this is what you say to me? You're unbelievable."

Dawn's face didn't change, but her eyes flickered toward Aldo, still sat at the bar. Tina followed those eyes and saw that the man had sat forward on the high bar stool. His hand had reached into his jacket, pulling out a phone. Hesitating, Tina sat down again, aware of dozens of pairs of eyes falling upon her.

This wasn't fair. Dawn had turned Tina's life upside down again and she didn't appear to have an ounce of regret. She didn't know all of Dawn's circumstances. What the woman had to live with. What she suffered. Yet, Tina couldn't help but think Dawn had taken the opportunity of seeing Tina to come to a horrifying decision.

"It's not something I've decided lightly, you know." Dawn caught herself before she looked towards Aldo again. "In many ways I have a good life. Others would feel envy at what I have, but I'm trapped. I'm trapped and so lonely. I'm surrounded by people, all day, every day, and I've never felt so alone."

"Do you understand what kind of position you've put me in? You've made me feel cruel and impotent because there's nothing I can do. Nothing I can say." She felt her fingers curl, digging her nails into the skin of her palms. "You tell me this and I have to leave and go back to my life, not knowing if you'll go on to kill yourself or not. What can I do? I don't know what to do!"

The towering figure of Aldo appeared at their side and Tina refused to look at him. Dawn sat there, with that sad smile she had worn since mentioning her intent and it made Tina want to scream and shout. She wanted to throw things. That she sat in this expensive restaurant meant nothing to her. She only cared about Dawn and her conflicted emotions of heart-rending love and anger.

"Mrs Leone. We should be going now." Aldo picked up Dawn's handbag and pressed it into her hand. "I've arranged for your ... friend to return to her hotel."

"Fuck off." Seething, Tina glared at the table, with all it's shining cutlery, plates and glasses. She couldn't remember ever feeling this angry. "Just fuck off and leave us, her, alone. For one fucking second!"

Ignoring her, Aldo gripped Dawn's hand, lifting her, none-too-gently, from her seat. Dawn had a resigned look upon her face, now, and gave no resistance, rising to her feet and clutching her handbag beneath her arm. All the while, Tina felt years of loss and bitterness rising inside, a fury that threatened to overwhelm her.

As she passed, Dawn dropped her eyes to Tina and lowered her hand towards Tina's hand, stopped by Aldo's other hand, dragging her away before their fingers could touch. That was all Tina could stand. She had stopped practicing Karate years ago, but some instinct caught hold. With a yell, she twisted in her seat and launched a punch towards Aldo's crotch.

The man dropped like a felled tree, eyes widening in shock, surprise and pain. For good measure, Tina punched him on the jaw, screaming in pain as her knuckles connected with bone. For a second, she didn't know what to do, then, she jumped up, grabbing Dawn's hand and began to drag her through the maze of tables towards the door.