is this what love is?

6.

I haven't seen neither Ethan or Jake for a few days, but that doesn't mean they won't leave my mind.

I almost kissed Jake, but the next day I'm on a date with Ethan.
What's wrong with you Jennifer?
What happened to the promise that you'll "stay away from boys"?

I do think about a lot of what Jake said.
He said he still liked me and wanted me back...

But that can't be!

Jake never really liked me, so why would he like me now?

Can people really change like that..?
Jake too?

I guess it's the best if I just try to avoid him for now. I'm not gonna believe a shit of the things he said.

...

Lost in my thoughts I don't notice my mom opening the door.

"Jennifer?"

As I look up I see my mom standing on the doorway.

"Is everything alright Jen?" mom asks with a worried tone and sits next to me on the bed. "You have been a little distant for the past few days."

"Ah... I have?" I give an awkward laugh. Am I really that easy to read?

"Did something happen?" mom asks again and notices that I'm avoiding eyecontact.

"Mom... do you remember Jake?" carefully I look up to see her reaction.

She frowns slightly.
"Jake? Your old boyfriend?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh! Yeah I remember, he was a very nice boy wasn't he..."

Well, shit.

"O-oh yeah... I just... just thought about... how he's doing nowadays!?"

I really suck at making excuses.

"That's the reason you've been looking down? Oh Jen, you can just ask him. No need to worry for nothing..."

Mom's voice becomes quieter as I get lost in my thoughts again.

Who can I talk to?
Celia and Vivie can't know about this.
I can't tell Ethan either.
Dad? No.
Jake can you just stop wandering in my head!

...

I see Ethan in school and I smile to him. Jake, on the other hand is nowhere to be seen. It's a relief.

Celia and Vivie gesture wildly for me to notice them in the cafeteria.

"Jen!" Celia exclaimes with bright eyes as soon as I sit down.

I let out a sigh, but as I notice that Vivie looks excited too, I get a little more interested.

"This one Wang dude is gonna throw a party next week!"

"Wang?"

"Jackson. The name was Jackson", Vivie informs.

"Anyways! We have to go Jen! It's gonna be the best thing ever", Celia begs.

"You're overreacting", Vivie sighs quietly.

"Of course we are going!" I grab my fork excited,"Where is it held?"

"At his place. I heard his family has a massive house and his parents are away for the weekend!"

This is the thing I needed. Thoughts away from Jake.

"You have to ask if Ethan is going, Jen", Celia reminds me mouth full of food.

"Yeah, gotta do that!" I promise myself to ask him next time we meet.

Next to us sits a group of boys including Celia's boyfriend.

"Are you guys coming?" Celia asks smiling.

A bunch of positive and negative answers can be heard.

Scanning the group I notice my old childhood friend, Minho. We haven't really been in contact since middle school. We just grew apart I guess.

He smiles and nods, like saying "I'm coming too".

I smile back.

...

"Should we go look for some new clothes? Let's ask Celia too", Vivie asks as math class ends.

"You two go ahead. I have something to ask Ethan", I whisper.

Vivie understand immediately and gives me a teasing smirk before leaving.

When the classroom is finally empty I dare to approach the teacher's desk.

Ethan looks up and smiles softly.
"Questions about math?"

"No, nothing related to maths", I answer laughing.

"What is it then?" he asks smiling. This boi really seems to be in a good mood huh?

"Well, have you heard about the party? One senior is throwing a party next weekend!" I ask not able to hold my smile either.

"I didn't plan on going, but now that I hear that you're going too, it sounds way more interesting."

I hit him lighly, both us laughing.

"Shut it! Anyways, I'll send you the location once I get it from someone", I give him a last smile before making my way to the door.

"Jen! Wait!" I turn around.
"You don't have my number yet, right?"

Right. I don't.

Smiling awkwardly I walk my way back and give him my phone.

I wince a little when our fingers touch. Gotta pray Ethan didn't notice it.