is this what love is?

12.

I turn around with a nervous smile on my face. Ethan isn't smiling however.
My smile fades away and I glance at my friends.
Celia and Vivie are looking at us with scared expressions.

I turn back around and clear my throat a bit.
"Hi."

"Jen-"

"Did you hear?!"

"I...", Ethan nods.

I let out a nervous laugh.
"I-I'll explain!" I grab his hand and get us quickly out of the cafeteria.

I feel cold sweat running down my back and I'm not even sure why.
I haven't done anything wrong, have I? Ethan just didn't hear everything.

I stop in front of an empty classroom.
Ethan takes his keys and opens the door, locking it behind us.

We sit down with an uncomfortable silence between us.

"You liked him this whole time?"
Ethan asks bringing his gaze up from the floor to my eyes. His tone is unusually cold.

"Not... not the whole time...", I answer quietly.
Ethan just nods.

"Would you start by telling me what really happened at the party after you left to the bathroom?"

"You heard the rumours?"

Ethan sighs.
"Something from here and there. That Jake guy got involved with cops, right?"

I nod. "He did. So... basically I just left for the bathroom when Jake came from nowhere. He... slammed me to a wall." I raise my head to see Ethan's face. His expression is no more cold, but full of sympathy. I continue my story.

"My memories aren't that clear, but I just remember that he seemed somehow really aggressive when he spoke. And then... then-" My voice breaks and tears start to form in my eyes.

I feel Ethan taking a hold of my hands, his hands are warm as always.
"You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. Okay?" I shake my head. I haven't yet told anyone in details what happened. I feel like I have to tell him.

"No... I'll continue...", I sniff and wipe my tears before opening my mouth again. "He took my hands and pinned them to the wall and... kissed me... it was horrible Ethan."

Ethan's eyes are now full of tears as well. The sight aches my heart.
Ethan pulls me to his embrace and I let my tears fall to his shirt.
I feel him slowly caressing my hair.

"What happens next?"

"He spouts some nonsense of how he only liked me for my body and then I
pass out. When I wake up I'm at Minho's and he has called the police."
I feel Ethan tensing up.

"Minho?"

"He's my old childhood friend. I haven't introduced you two to each other, have I?"

"Mhmm... You haven't."

I try hard not to smile. I know what he's thinking about. My baby's jealoussss...

"Oh, too bad. But nevermind, we aren't really in contact anymore."

"But he still took you to his house..?"
Ethan raises his brow.

"We don't have anything going on dummy! Vivie and Celia were there as well", I burst out laughing, "but I was surprised as well. I didn't think he would be the one getting rid of Jake."

"I should have been there", Ethan sighs and presses a kiss into my hair.

I smile.
"I'm fine. Don't worry."

"You aren't. Such an experience leaves its scars", Ethan says as he hugs me tighter.

"Maybe it does, but atleast now there's no need to worry about Jake anymore!"

Ethan pulls away so that we are face to face again. "Jen, you know that you haven't told everything about Jake yet."

I glance at the clock. My class starts in two minutes.

"Et-"

"Your class doesn't matter that much. Tell everything now so there's no more words unspoken."

"N- Okay. But you'll take the responsibility since you're the teacher here."

Ethan nods.

"So... I broke up with Jake a few weeks before we met for the first time..."

...

I finish my story and I'm quite surprised that Ethan didn't interrupt a single time.
His expression is hard to read. Sad? Angry? Relieved?

"Jen, when did you realize that you didn't have any feelings for him anymore?"

"Hmm... maybe that time when we were watching the movie and... No! It was before that. I don't really know when..."

Ethan pouts a little. "That late?"

"Take it or leave it", I laugh. It feels nice now that Ethan knows everything about Jake as well.
"But now I only like one person", I whisper as I poke his nose.

I jump up from his lap and take a run to the door before Ethan gets to realize what I meant.

"That's go- huh? Jen! What do you mean by that? Jen!"
I hear Ethan's voice behind me as I run away.