is this what love is?

9.

We arrive at the party and the house really is amazing. Even bigger than I expected. There's lots of people outside and inside.

I look at Ethan. It feels like we are already together and that makes butterflies fly in my stomach.

"Jen! Ethan!" I notice Celia from the crowd.

"You both look amazing!" Celia shouts clearly drunk and gives me a drink too.

"You too! Celia your dress is perfect", I reply smiling widely.

We just drink and chat for a while until Celia disappears somewhere with his boyfriend.

I glance at Ethan and notice that he looks kinda uncomfortable.
Carefully I take a hold of his hand. "Wanna dance?"

The music has changed and lots of couples are dancing slowly to the calmer music.

Ethan smiles and nods.
I put my hands around his neck and I feel his on my waist.

Once again he holds me that gentle way that makes my heart beat way too fast.

I look up to his warm, brown eyes. He looks back at me with an expression that I can't really describe.

Slowly I lower my eyes and find myself looking at his lips. Now that I look more specifically they are kind of shaped like a heart.

If I wasn't drunk I probably wouldn't dare to do the thing I'm planning on doing right now. Not in front of so many people at least.

I get up to my toes and press my lips on Ethan's.
His hands move from my waist to my cheeks as he pulls me closer.

Our lips move perfectly against each other and we start to slowly sway to the music.

Then I hear cheering from somewhere near. I pull out of the kiss and look around.

I notice Celia, Vivie and bunch of my other friends looking at me and Ethan.

I blush madly, but Ethan just laughs like it's his last chance of doing so.
"You look funny Jen."

I press my face against his chest and let out a small laugh as well.
Ethan hugs me gently and we continue to sway from side to side.

"Ethan."

"Mhm?"

"Have you dated before?"

Ethan is quiet for a moment before answering.

"I haven't."

I smile secretly against his chest.
"Cute", I say quietly.

"Why did you ask?"

"No reason", I reply. I feel that the alcohol is starting to affect as it makes me a bit tired.

"Ethan. I'll go to the bathroom for a bit."

...

I feel my back hitting a wall, it hurts.
But I'm so tired...

Slowly I open my eyes. The hallway is dim lighted.
I raise my gaze so I can see the person who slammed me to the wall.

I feel my heart skipping a beat.
"Hi Jen", Jake smirks. I can't really tell whether he's drunk or not.

Jake comes closer. Too close.
"What do you think you're doing?" I ask.

"I'm gonna do something fun..."

My eyes widen. Is it gonna happen right now right here?

I try to push him away but Jake just grabs my wrists and pins them against the wall behind me.

"Ja-"

My shout gets blocked by his lips.
The kiss is violent, gross. I taste the alcohol and my own tears. But he doesn't stop.

Only after a long time does Jake pull away, but he doesn't let go of my wrists. I don't even know if I care anymore.

I just want to shout and cry until everything is over, until I'm at home under my blanket again. But I can't get anything out of my mouth and I know that he's just starting.

He wasn't like this when we were still dating. It's true that he wasn't perfect, but I never imagined that he would do something this horrible to anyone.

"Why Jake? Why can't you just stop bothering me? Why do you want so badly to mess with my life? WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU?" I can't see Jake's face well because my tears are blocking the view, but he seems to have calmed down a bit.

Jake lets out a laugh. "Why? You wanna know why, do you?"

I nod.

Jake sighs and lets go of my wrists. There will probably be a bruise.

I look at Jake with no expression, waiting for him to speak. I'm not gonna cry anymore.

"You got a nice ass."

Well, that is something I didn't expect.

"I just like your body overall", Jake continues as he looks me up and down.

I almost hit him but I wanna hear more so I stay in place.
"Many other girls have good bodies as well. What was wrong with Rebecca?"

"You look better and", Jake leans closer and whispers,"it was easier to control you."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Jen... oh Jen...", Jake smiles,"you were the only one who truly liked me."

I swallow the words I intended to say, I realize that he's right.
I actually liked him. Back then. I was controlled without even realizing it.

All the other girls... they knew what they were doing.
I was the only stupid one. Stupid to fall for a guy like Jake. And that's why he got attached to me.

My head feels dizzy from all the information and I'm feeling more and more tired.

I want to hit Jake, scream at him from the bottom of my heart, but all I'm capable of doing is falling into his arms.