where are they now? (shourtney/damaige)

chapter 11: chronic overthinker

After Saige's phone call Shayne is a ball of nerves. Damien does his best to placate his anxiety but it is only once Saige confirms Courtney is feeling okay about it that he can begin to relax. He is relatively new to this brand of bigger time stardom. It's not the first gossip blog he's been posted on or written about in but the fact that his friends and sister were dragged into it made him feel angry. Angry that people feel they have a right to his life, his privacy, his friends and family. Even with different last names he knows his sister sometimes gets trolls asking about him in her twitch chat. Maybe it would be one thing if he felt that his talent and abilities warrented the level of success he was reaching but he was still self-concious about his own fame. Looking at the other people at his brunch table and in his life, it was full of people with drive, talent, charisma, etc. Maybe it was his own issues with self-deprecation or maybe it was just growing up in the industry but he always felt undeserving of success. Always felt like he was an imposter that would be found out. His show was popular now but he hadn't been established in any other big projects yet. Damien and Saige have their own loyal twitch fan bases. Courtney clearly has an extensive behind the scenes resume. All his friends were so talented and worthy of success. His deepest fear was that all of this will lead to nothing, he will never achieve more than his current work. That he will be forgotten, ignored, disregarded. He kept those fears in, never telling anyone about them. Even when he and Damien would speak about their careers and their own worries about the comings and goings of the industry, he never fully let on about these insecurities. He was embarrassed. He felt selfish, for being so negative and not enjoying the success he was experiencing. Exercise helped some with easeing his anxiety; letting off steam. But he knew that wasn't a completely susstainable coping mechanism. Damien's voice broke his train of thought.
"How you feeling buddy, a little less stressed yet?"
Shayne tried to figure out how to answer. He settled on a simple answer.
"I feel better knowing Courtney isn't freaking out about it anymore."
"Yeah that was a super unfortunate end to a fun night and morning."
"Definitely, hopefully this won't make her afraid to hang out again."
There is finally a lightheartedness behind his voice although he does worry on some level if this ruined their chances at a normal friendship. Damien chuckles.
"Yeah that would not be good, especially because I really liked all hanging out together."
Shayne sighs thinking about the fun he had at the party.
"Yeah Damien, me too."