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How To Be A Pervert 101

There's this dude at my school who is, honest to God, the most attractive man I've ever seen. Sure, most would take a look at him, and then look at me, and think, YOU'RE head over heels for HIM? and I would smile and nod.

This man? He's perfect. He's got this curly hair that just barely touches his shoulders and just barely drapes over his eyes. He's not muscly or anything, he's a bit skinny if I'm honest.

God, he's perfect!

Whizzer closed his laptop and pushed it to another spot on his bed, flopping down next to it. He had only talked to his crush a few times, but he could already tell he liked him a lot.

All Whizzer knew about him was that his name was Marvin, he was kind, and he had a puppy.

And that he was hella gay.

Just as he stood up to grab a soda from downstairs, there was a knock at his door. He skipped down the stairs and looked out the peep-hole of his door.

He swung the door open quickly, seeing his roommate. "Cordelia! My favorite lesbian. How are you?"

The blonde had her arms full of tupperware, presumably full of food. "I am just lovely!" She entered the house and placed the tupperware in the kitchen.

"Good, good. How's the girlfriend?"

"Bad, I hope. She cheated on me so I dumped her ass!"

"Oh, that bitch. I swear if I see her, she'll be over!"

Cordelia giggled. "It's okay. I lost feelings, like, last week anyway. How's everything with you?"

"Good. I'm planning on asking that one kid to see a movie soon."

"Oh, do it!!"

"I have a feeling that you're going to have another girlfriend by tomorrow. Maybe I should bring you two with."

She giggled. "That would be fun. But we'll see if the girlfriend part happens. If not, don't take me with you. Deal?"

"Deal."

They ate dinner and drank some soda, and before they knew it, they'd both passed out on the couch.

The next day, Whizzer did the usual routine.

Bags in his locker, stare at crush. Passing periods, stare at crush. Classes with crush, talk to crush.

When the end of the day finally rolled around, Whizzer ran to the dude he spent all day thinking about.

"Hey! Marvin, right?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Are you Whizzer?"

"Yes. Want to go see a movie?"

"Right now? Um, sure. I don't see why not."

"Cool. Hold on, I've got to find my roommate and let her know."

The two wandered around the school together trying to find Cordelia, and when they did it was no surprise to Whizzer.

Cordelia was making out with some girl behind a tree.

"Ah. New girlfriend, Delia?" Whizzer laughed.

He saw Cordelia jump and look at Whizzer, then at Marvin, then a happy expression spread across her face.

"We're going to a movie. Marvin, is it okay if these two come?"

He nodded, smiling at Whizzer.

"Oh, good! I'm so excited. What movie?"

There were a lot of things going through Marvin's mind. How beautiful Whizzer's big brown eyes were. The way his hair flopped in a specific, perfect, messy yet put together way. The way his shirt was tucked into his jeans and how he never wore sweatpants. How his voice was smooth and had a tone in it that could get any guy's attention. How his tall figure just slightly hovered over Marvin.

Marvin thought Whizzer was perfect. Everything he could ever want in a man.

As the group walked to Whizzer's car, they talked about which movie to see, and finally all agreed on some random, probably cheesy horror movie.

Whizzer had found out Cordelia's new girl was named Charlotte, and she was majoring in medical shit.

As Whizzer drove, the girls in the back were continuing their make out session, something Cordelia was known for. Making out with girls wherever and whenever she wanted.

His attention was taken off the road for a split second when he felt something resting on his thigh.

Marvin's hand. Marvin had calmly and subtly placed his hand on Whizzer's upper thigh. Whizzer didn't notice until Marvin gently moved his thumb back and forth. When Whizzer glanced over at him, Marvin continued to stare at the road as if nothing happened.

Maybe Marvin likes me.

When they pulled into the parking lot of the movie theatre, Whizzer grabbed his wallet and they were on their way. He payed for the concessions and the tickets, and the group went to find some seats.

They chose the seats far in the back. People were closer to the front of the screen, so it gave the group a chance to quietly chat a bit.

Cordelia and Charlotte shut up once the movie started and moved a few seats away, which Cordelia later told Whizzer was so she could 'give Whizzer a chance'.

Once again, Marvin cautiously and subtly placed his hand on Whizzer's upper-thigh, doing that thing with his thumb again.

Whizzer didn't mind it, but who does that to someone they just met unless they like them?

Whizzer glanced over to Marvin and just stared at him for a second. Marvin met his gaze quickly. "Are you alright?" He whispered

"Yep." Whizzer gave him a smile and then turned back to the movie. He laid his arm on the armrest, and before he knew it, Marvin was holding his hand.

Whizzer turned to look at him again. The feeling of Marvin's hand in his was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

That night, they went home together.

They didn't fuck or suck or anything, they just relaxed together.

Had dinner.

Made out.

Sat by the fireplace.

Looked at the stars.

You know, sweet things that couples would do.

The thing is, though, they weren't a couple - they were just each other's peers who saw a movie together.

Sooner than later, Cordelia stumbled through the door with Charlotte and locked it behind her, the two quickly disappearing into Cordelia's room.

"I should get home..." Marvin suggested. "My roommate might worry."

Whizzer exhaled in a sort of laugh. "Stay."

"Hey-"

"Hey?"

The two laughed, Whizzer taking Marvin's hand and leading him up to his room, where they fell asleep holding each other close.

Moral of the story, is-

ASK THEM OUT; because even if they reject you or something, there are plenty other bitches in the world who will get on their knees and beg for your love. Don't cry over a college crush, my darlings.

But; if things do go according to plan and you take that man (/woman/person) home, TAKE IT SLOW. Don't fuck, don't suck, take it slow. Sit by the fireplace, drink sodas, watch a movie, talk.

Let them stay the night.

Goodnight, dear readers.
With Love, WB.

May 26th, 2003, 11:57 pm.