I'm Not Special

Welcome to Winter Land

I always knew I could go to college, but never thought I would. I didn't think I would make it through high school. After 7th grade I started missing long periods of school, my anxiety would get the best of me. I was dyslexic and awful at spelling. Reading out loud was my biggest fear. I had been humiliated enough in grade school because of that.

My parents tried everything to get me to go to school. They even enrolled me into a charter school, called East Hollywood High. I loved movies and when I was young wanted to be an actor. The only good thing that came out of East Hollywood High was meeting my best friend Sam. Even that only kept me in school a few more years, I got my GED when I was 17. But I was always told Winter Land State University was an option for me.

Winter Land State was 25 minutes south of where I grew up. It was also the college my parents met and graduated from. No, I couldn't go out of state, and no I couldn't live on campus, but yes, I could go to college and my parents would pay for it. It was a privilege I was lucky to have.

So why after not finishing high school did I go to college? I decided on my 21st birthday. I had to work at the portrait studio that day. It wasn't a normal day, we had a 'Pictures with Santa Claus' event that quickly turned to chaos. My job was not just to give the kids to Santa, but also take the pictures. I was selected for this job, because at the time I was the senior photographer. I was the assistant manager of the studio as well.

That day, kids pulled my hair, broke my necklace, and screamed in my face. Kids don't like Santa. Who knew? I remember after thinking, is this my life? Is the best I can do is to become the manager of this studio in a few years? That scared me, I wanted more.

So, I enrolled in Winter Land State for the spring semester. I went to orientation with my mother, where I had a full panic attack and left early. Not a good sign.

If someone had told me one day, I would be 1 of 15 executive students, I wouldn't have believed them.

My first semester I got a 4.0, I even had a math class. Not too bad for a girl who didn't finish high school. But I achieved something even greater by the end of my first semester. I finished pledging and became an active member of the Sorority Omega Nu.

Let's talk about pledging for a Sorority. First if you don't know what pledging is, it's like a trial period before you are allowed to join the Sorority, Fraternities do this as well. It's all a part of Greek Life.

What do you need to make it through pledging? A lot of time, determination, and humility. Before you can even go through that process you need to get a bid to join. You get a bid by going to Rush week and meeting the active Greek members.

Winter Land State had what is called a local Greek system. Sorry national Greek systems my story is a little different. Winter Land State didn't have Sorority or Fraternity houses, and at that time there was only one Sorority the Omegas and one Fraternity the Thetas. The Greek system would grow while I was in it to five Chapters, and since I left it has grown even more. But when I arrived on the scene there were only the two chapters.

I heard about Rush week in my First Year Experience class; FYE. A girl had come in and passed out flyers. I was instantly intrigued; I had seen enough college movies to have an idea of what Greek life was.

Winter Land State was a commuter school, meaning most students didn't live on campus. I had a hard time making friends for that reason. Also, I was only there for class, and not much else seemed to be happening on campus.

After class I walk to the student Union building looking for these Sorority girls, then I saw their table. Standing behind it was a girl with olive skin and long dark hair, she was beautiful. She looked just like I had imagined in my head a Sorority girl should look like. I went up and talk to her. She introduced herself, her name was Lily. She told me about all the events that were going on that week for Rush. I was in, I took a flyer and started figuring out what events I could make it to, with work and school.

I remember going to formal night, Lily had told me it was the most important event. My manager at the portrait studio even got my shift covered so I could go. My mom took me to the mall, and I got a new little black dress and a belt to go with it. That night there was a snowstorm and when my mom dropped me off it must have taken me ten minutes just to get up to the Union building in my high heels.

When I got to the conference room it was decorated with the theme of "Breakfast at Tiffany's." All the active Sorority members wore black cocktail dresses with pearls, and the president Alison wore white. I got to sit next to Alison that night and I asked endless questions, I wanted to show I was interested.

That night they showed a slide show of all the girls and the events they had done. After they all stood up and talked about sisterhood, and how the Sorority had changed their lives. I was in, hook, line, and sinker. Where do I sign to join this cult, and yes Greek life is a cult. Regardless I wanted to change my life and an opportunity was standing right in front of me.

I got a bid, but it's important to know every girl that met the qualifications got a bid. Winter Land State was a small school, so they weren't too picky. I had a pledge class of five girls. Spring was not the main pledging semester because of how small the school was, after my class all Greek life took a break from having Spring Rush.

Small class or large class I was in! When it came time to get my Big, an active member that helps you through pledging, and then you become a part of that family, I wanted two girls. Either Lily, the first Omega I had met, or Alison the president. I got Lily and couldn't have been happier.

Lily was a great big! She hung out with me and took me to Ulta beauty for the first time. I like to think I tried to mimic her actions and attitude when I got littles.

Our pledged class was asked to select a pledge president, vice president, and secretary. I nominated myself for president and got it, it would be the first of three president positions I would hold, but I'm getting ahead of myself. A Hispanic girl with bright eyes named Mary became my vice president.

Me and Mary didn't get along, we seemed to always have different opinions. As the weeks went on girls started dropping, leaving only Mary and me. We were task with planning an era party for the actives, a pledging tradition. Me and Mary finally agreed on a 1920's speak easy theme. Planning the party was hard, neither of us like the others' ideas. After finding a venue and picking out food, decorations, and the movie "Burlesque", we were ready to put on our first Sorority event.

When the event began, I was surprised by how excited the actives were. For one of the first times in my life I was under dressed, wearing my black dress from formal night. I was also out slutted, some girls showing up in 1920's themed lingerie.

Neither me or Mary had ever put on a party or thrown an event. Halfway through we met in a corner and cried to each other, apologizing for the hurtful things we had done before. She was all I had, and I was all she had. It was trauma bonding at its purest.

After that the next few weeks of pledging me and Mary were the best of friends. We were given a song to make up a dance for. We would be performing it in front of the actives and some of the Fraternity brothers. I remember meeting at her apartment between classes trying to choreograph the dance. I can't dance to save my life, I have no rhythm; Mary was better than me, but that wasn't saying much.

When we went to perform the dance in front of about a dozen sisters and brothers I blacked out. Not like fall blacked out, more the music started, and I thought go big! We both survived the humiliation. That's apart of pledging, you are second class, you are below your actives and do what they say without asking questions.

I was lucky, I was never asked to do anything too embarrassing, definitely never asked to do anything sexual. We were told not to interact with the Fraternity brothers until we were active. We were told it was because this time was meant to get to know our sisters. I think it was also for our safety, we were not allowed to be alone with any of the brothers either.

Pledging was mostly weekly tasks with weekly meetings, then Hell Week came.

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