I'm Not Special

Lost Baggage

‍‍I made a new family, a sisterhood. There was still one issue, Max. By now he lived with me and my dad rent free. My parents took him on as another child. They were kind to him, too kind, but maybe that's just unresolved feelings.

My life was now filled. I had a job, school, and Sorority obligations. I loved the sorority and wanted to be as involved as much as I could. During the summer semester I went to Greek Council with the three representatives of my Chapter. I wasn't one, just support.

Here, in Greek Council I would have my biggest wins and losses. I didn't know that then. I was just happy to be there, happy to be a part of something bigger than myself.

What to do about Max? I hid my bruises and didn't always come home because he scared me. What was Max thinking? I was no longer isolated like the first few years of our relationship. I was getting my self-esteem back. He must have hated it; he was losing control of me.

‍‍The last 6 to 8 months of Max's and mine relationship was disconnected. In this time, I would have started college and become a part of the Greek system.

Max had got a new job in that time. He became a cook at a restaurant. He had a hard time holding on to a job and my money was often what supported us. I didn't take time to meet his coworkers, or really engage.

I did things during that time I should be ashamed of, but I'm not. And I don't know if it's because of the abuse or my lack of understanding of a healthy relationship. I cheated, but to be up front that wasn't the first time I cheated on a long-term boyfriend.

I spent most my time with a select group of sisters, the ones in charge. The ones I could learn from. I was a core part of the group, even if I lacked an official title.

At that time, I also met someone else, a boy. Tall, skinny, awkward, but handsome. He would only grow more handsome with age, Richard.

He approached me after one Greek Council about doing a photo shoot of his Fraternity. I had done a shoot for Omega Nu and the pictures were posted online. They were good for the time, but I'm embarrassed now looking at them, I've learned a lot about photography since then.

He said they would pay me, but I didn't want any money. I was scared they wouldn't like the pictures. I was insecure shooting outside my mall studio. But that was just our first interaction, not what got us spending time together.

I wish I could remember more details; it was the early fall and school was back in. Max and I had a big fight, but I had to go to the University for Greek work. It was probably something to do with upcoming Rush week. A group of us met in an office and decided on the final themes for Rush week. I asked every sister there to hangout after, I was scared and didn't want to be alone. Everyone was busy, but Richard spoke up saying he was free and would hang out.

It was weird, I barely knew him one on one, but I needed the distraction. We went to a Halloween store by campus, and I got a Babydoll costume from the movie 'Sucker Punch'. He said he had never seen it, so we went to my dad's house, and I showed him the blue ray. I remember him making pasta in my kitchen. I liked how relaxed he was.

That night I took him to my boyfriend second job. Even though Max struggled to stay constantly employed, every Halloween he went back to work at the store we met at. How bold I was. Richard and I had done nothing, just hung out. But I dangled him in front of Max like a trophy. I was saying I was moving on.

That night about a dozen of us went to a wing restaurant, something that would become a weekly tradition for me and Richard. But that night I had to send him off while I dealt with Sorority drama. I was after all a part of the core Omega Nu group.

I started spending a lot of time alone with Richard. Did we hook up? Yes. Did we have sex? No. But that is just semantics in the end. I was having an affair with Richard, while still dating Max.

Things with Max and I were more distant than ever. Max didn't have a car or laptop and I
slowly took those things away from him. I stop driving him to and from work, and took my laptop with me wherever I went so he couldn't use it.

After one really big fight I gave the tv in the spare room to Richard. Max had made that his home base, his own room. I didn't like that. If you live with me, then we live in the same room.

I remember Max calling me after the fight, giving one of his fake apologies. I told him I gave the tv away and he hung up. I didn't go home that night I was scared how he would react. But here comes Rush, so no time for worries.

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