Way Back Home

Milo's Secret

Milo's POV
I go home after work and sit down on the small sofa in my lifing room. Rubbing my face, I can feel the pressure of worlds on my back.

"You're gonna fail."

"It's never gonna work."

"I don't know why you even try to pretend like you can help them."

"They will suffer."

"Just give up."

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"

I jump up to my feet and hurry to the bathroom, tearing the black sheet off of the mirror.

And there she stares back at me.

Pale skin, hollow cheeks, dark rings under her eyes, short black and red hair, and grey black swirls crawling their way across her skin.

The personification of my insecurities, my doubts, my bitterness, my self hate, my grief, my loneliness.

She is what lives inside of me, but she doesn't hide it.

"Leave them alone!" I scream at her, "they did nothing to you!"

"I don't care!" She shouts back, "why should anyone else get a happy ending when I never did!"

"Maybe we weren't meant to have one!" My throat starts to hurt, "maybe we do get one, but we have to wait for it!"

"No! The world took everything from us! They need to know what it feels like! They need to know what it's like to lose something you love, to cry yourself to sleep every night! They need to hurt!"

"That's not going to bring him back!"

She doesn't say anything, just stares at me as tears build in her eyes.

"You don't know that," she choked, "I'm writing it this time. I can change it."

"Cody is dead," my voice levels out but is scratchy, "we have to accept that. We can't change it."

"You can't," and evil grin spreads across her face, "but I can."

"What?" My brow furrows.

"Sacrifice new life to return that of old," she sounds like she's quoting a book, "a life for a life."

"What are you talking about?"

"You'll see soon enough," she starts to back away from the mirror, "you can't protect them forever."

She disappears from the glass and I let out a frustrated growl.

"Son of a bitch! Get back here!"

I back my hand on the mirror and immediately regret it. The surface ripple like water and starts to pull at my hand.

"Shit shit shit shit!"

I manage to pull myself free and stumble back into my ass. Groaning in pain, I get back up and quickly cover the mirror again before exiting the bathroom.

"Don't let her get in your head. Don't let her get in your head. Don't let her get in your head," I repeat over and over, gripping at my hair as I pace back and forth in my living room, "don't let her get in your head."

I sit down on the sofa again and take a deep breath before pulling out my phone. I put a smile on as I click Bucky's contact.

He answers on the third ring.

"Hey, Doll," he greets me with a big smile, "how was your day?"

"It was great, I think I finally figured out how to get y/n back into the story," I say, only half a lie, "so on Christmas Eve, take Zemo to the Avengers Tower in New York. Have him stand directly in front of it."

"Okay," he draws out, "what about you? Are you gonna be able to come back too?"

My smile cracks just a bit and I can feel the sting of tears but at my eyes.

"Yeah, I'll get to come back, too," I nod.

"Good," he smiles wider, "when you get here, I'm pulling you into a big hug and I'm never letting you go again."

I chuckle a bit and more tears bite at my eyes.

"Yeah, me too," I clear my throat, "hey I had a pretty long day, Imma go ahead and turn in, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay," he furrows his brow a bit, "I'll talk to you tomorrow then. I love you."

"Love you, too," I quickly hang up before I break down in tears.

The phone falls from my hands as I sob, a thud sounding as it hits the floor.

I can't go back. Not with her writing it. She'll ruin and destroy everything I've built. Stories upon stories, worlds upon worlds. She'll tear it all down from the source.

And all for what?

To try and bring him back?

I miss him, too, but I know he's not coming back. I've accepted this.
Why can't she?
Why does she have to ruin everything?

Why is she me?

Why do I have to ruin everything?
Why can't I accept it?

I sob into my hands harder, just wanting everything to be simple again.
Before I started writing.
Before I started reading.
Before I made an account.

Before I found Wattpad.

I grab my phone again and unlock it, quickly going to the Wattpad app.

I tap on my account and go to settings where my thumb hovers over the 'delete account' button.

If I delete my account, all the stories go away, and she can't do anymore harm.

I press the button.

Are you sure you want to delete your account? All stories will be erased and cannot be restored.
Yes                            No

My thumb freezes over the 'yes' option.

But...

I lose everything.

I lose Bucky, I lose my escape from the real world, I lose good friends....

I lose y/n.

I groan an frustration and hit 'no' before throwing my phone on the ground again.

I can't lose y/n.
She was the first.

She was the first to come to life. She was the first to become real. And she's the only one I've been able to bring to the real world.

I'd kill myself if I lost her.

I rub my face, wiping away the tears quickly.

"I just need to find another way to fix this," I mutter to myself, "I have to get rid of her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like you could ever be rid of me, Milo.