Kolhapur Chronicles

1. realisation

The rays of the sun travelled in a straight path from the sky to the room. They were not intense or too hot, they were warm with a touch of the breeze. They were slightly yellow, not too bright that you won't be able to watch directly, but calm and soothing. Anyone getting hit by the rays would feel their heat but it won't burn their skin, instead it would hug them close and provide just the right comfort needed.

But the rays failed to provide comfort to him.

They did touch his face and arms, but they failed to make a way towards his soul. The light provided by them was not enough to diminish the darkness that engulfed him. It seemed as if drought had hit hard, and the sun was just nonexistent as compared to the calamity that struck. His head was leaned back, his body lay lifeless with the only support his back had, i.e that of the side of the bed. His arms lay limp on both his sides. His chest moved up and down periodically, just like the arms of the wall clock, and these were the only two things in motion in the room. Silence covered the entire place like it was a part of air present inside. Time passed by like it had too, but life had stopped.

Raghav Rao didn't know how long he had been there in that position.

He was sitting on the floor, his gaze lowered. He blinked as his eyes told him to, if he had the power as always, he would have shut them forever. His thoughts clustered his head, every moment he had spent torturing her, challenging her, insulting her played in constant loop in no particular order in his memory and he couldn't even stop them, let alone make them go away. Every tear she shed, every word she spoke, every time she stood in front of him confidently appeared before his eyes; he could hear her screams from the night she was thrown out of her house, the way she questioned him, letting her anger take over her pain for the moment, the way she spoke in front of the hospital, he could hear everything; her teary red eyes appeared in front of him and demanded answers in silence, but he didn't have any.

He wished he could have an anxiety attack, it would make him feel alive again, but his body had given up. He didn't have the strength to lift his arms to rub his eyes or hold his aching head. He had lost control over everything and his mind was not ready to stop the memory rewind anytime soon.

Raghav had never felt this helpless in life. Ever.

He heard the room door creak open, but he couldn't turn his head around to see who it was. He tried moving his head but it just didn't. A moment later he felt someone sit beside him and the person took his right palm in their own hand.

"Raghav."

The voice hit his ear and he gathered all the strength he had to turn his neck to his right, lifting his eyelashes to meet the worried set of black eyes. A gasp escaped her mouth and she held his hand tightly and said,

"Raghav, are you okay?" Running her free hand through his face she said, "Look at yourself, have you been sitting here since the time you are back?"

Raghav just lowered his gaze again and let out a sigh. "Raghav, I am talking to you. Have you been sitting here like this for the past 18 hours?"

His lack of answer was an answer in itself. She had not forgiven him yet and she doesn't know if she ever will, but watching her son in this condition is something that Jaya Rao's heart couldn't bear. She had seen him be cheerful and happy since the moment they came to stay there, and even though the past week had him in different emotions, this was not one of them.

He had held her gaze just for a tiny moment, but it was enough for her to conclude how empty and helpless he felt. There was always a fire in his eyes, the one which can turn people into ashes in a second, but right now they had nothing.