Stressed&Depressed

April 10th, 2015

I knew it was to good to be true. You were just a dream, a fantasy my head made up to make me feel better. You never wanted me. You never needed me, it was all a lie. The way you said my name. The way you touched my arm. The way you wrapped your arms around my body. The way your blue eyes looked at me. All a lie.

A boy like you could never fall in love with a complete misfit fuck up like me. I don't even know why I thought I had a chance. I thought you would be the one to save. You would save me from this perpetual hell I live in. The cycle of thoughts that keep me bound to my bed. But you didn't.

I wanted you to to be the one to push me, make me see what I'm doing to myself, make me go and try to work for what I need. But instead you left me. You weren't the silver lining, and I'll always be the girl with the cinder block garden.

Now how do I do it? How do I force myself to face you everyday and see those eyes and that body and not want to fall to the ground and cry? You were my light in a world of darkness that surrounded me and now that you're gone, what do I have?