Element Restraint

Chapter 36: Erik

My eyelids feel heavy, but my brain is alive with activity. I hate dreaming my dreams, but I have not slept in a few days.

I feel like I might go insane sitting in bed. The sound of Raleigh's snores echoes through the room, rattling the inside of my skull. These past nights I have seriously considered smothering him in his sleep.

I look at the top of the bunk across from me. Gale's gold locks poke out from underneath the pillow he has covering his ears. On the bed beneath him, Paxon sits with a candle reading. The boy never stops reading.

"Where do you even get those books from?" I whisper to him.

"There is a library here." He says not bothering to whisper. Somehow Raleigh's snores are louder than his voice.

I drop my head on my pillow and close my eyes. I need to sleep. The sound of Raleigh's snores gets louder and louder the longer I lay there.

I throw the covers back in anger and turn to Paxon.

"Where is it?" I ask him.

"Past the dorms, behind the mess hall," Paxon says with a laugh.

I grab my boots and coat, and head for the door.

The night is colder than usual. Snow falls fast from the sky. As the breeze blows, my hands begin to burn. Frostbite Gale called it the other day.

I slip my hands into my pocket and squeeze my fists to prevent them from going numb.

I am walking, but not taking in where I am standing. Beginning to feel dizzy, I grab onto the stone wall outside of the dorms. I squeeze my temple and shut my eyes so that I see stars.

"Are you okay?"

I almost jump back when I see Acantha standing next to me. I examine her face and her lack of hair.

"It is just me. No need to be scared." She says flatly.

"Your hair," I say.

"Yes, I had Amora cut it for me." She flips her hood up in shame.

"I am okay," I answer her question.

"You sure?" She raises an eyebrow at me. I hold onto the wall, still feeling like everything is spinning. She can tell I am not okay. There is no lying to her.

"No," I say.

"Stay there." She commands me and jogs off before I can protest. I sigh, my breath coming out white in the air.

Ten minutes later, Acantha returns with a bowl of something, and a piece of bread in her hand.

"You need to eat something." she holds the bread out to me. I look at her, and then at the bread. "I am not taking no for an answer." She says firmly.

I grab the bread and take a bite.

"Happy?" I say with a mouthful.

"Where are you headed?"

"Library,"

Her dim eyes brighten a little bit.

"I did not know that was here." She says with a small smile. "I am coming with you."

She tucks her hands in her pocket waiting for me to lead the way. I roll my eyes and begin walking towards the library.

"You are not going to make me eat that nasty gray stuff?" I ask, looking at the bowl in her hand.

"I promise it is not that bad." She takes a small bite and tries to hide the disgust on her face.

"You are a horrible liar, Acantha."

"A good liar can be seen as a bad liar because no one ever knows when they lie."

"I guess you have a point." I laugh.

The library is smaller than I expected. Just a few bookshelves, and a small table. Acantha places the bowl on the table and begins to examine the shelves.

Within minutes, she is sitting at a table with her nose in a book. I sit down across from her and stir the bowl of "food" around. I look up at her so encaptured in her book.

A small smile spreads on her pink lips but never reaches her tired eyes.

"Why do you like to read so much?" I ask her. She looks up at me with her round eyes. She looks different without her long hair. Her eyes seem bigger and bolder against her honey skin.

"My mother liked to. Plus when I was in boarding school I did not have many friends so I spent most of my time reading books."

"At least you were able to go to a school with other people your age."I scoop up a little bit of the gray mush and sniff it. "I had private tutors and teachers, so I was surrounded by adults my whole life."

"They both sound like cruel ways to grow." She says with a small smile.

"Honestly," I shove the food in my mouth and slowly chew. Acantha looks at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. "It aggravates me to be treated like my life was so easy," I confess.

A crease appears in the middle of Acantha's forehead.

"What do you mean?" She asks full of worry.

"All people see is the money that I had, and of course, it was a privilege. But I never" I stop for a second. "I never felt privileged. People have no idea what I went through."

She closes her book and leans on the table.

"How can anyone understand, if you never tell them?"

"They would not care."

"Some of us care, Erik." She says. "Aella and Gale have been worried about you."

"What about you?" I ask dropping the spoon in my bowl. "I have tried so hard to gain your trust, but you still avoid me." I pause, desperate for her answer.

"You are really hard to read." She says quietly. "It is like speaking another language to understand you."

I am not sure how to take that. What does she mean I speak another language? How am I different?

"I want to trust you." Acantha continues. "I just need some time." She pushes a small lock of her short hair out of the way. "It is harder for me to trust people now."

I curse to myself. How could I not think about that? The girl was betrayed by her father, her brother lied to her, and who knows what is going on with her and Valence. The guy is a walking time bomb ready to explode at any moment.

Why can I never say the right things to her? It drives me crazy how I can not say what she needs to hear. What does she need to hear right now?

"How about," I begin to say, getting her attention again. "We make a deal."

"What kind of deal?" She raises an eyebrow at me.

"You save me, I save you, then repeat. No matter what, we will have each other's back. You need a fist, I can provide. I need someone to fight in my honor, you sharpen your knives. How does that sound?"

"I technically saved you last, you know." She says with a laugh. "And it was very traumatizing so I think you need to save my life at least twice in a row now."

"Are you kidding me?" I snort. "I lost count of how many times I had to save you."

"Five times." She says immediately. "I guess we live very dangerous lives now."

We both give dark laughs.

"Well, I think that is enough to repay you for facing your fear of water to save our skins."

"Fine,"

"So is that a deal?"

Acantha looks back down at her book for a moment and rubs her thumb on the cover.

"It is a deal." She holds out her hand for me to shake. It is still warm against my skin. Once a Fireling, always a Fireling.

"Perfect!" I say with a smile.