8:23 AM
I don't want to love you but I do. I don't want to care but I do. I don't want to know you but I do.
My heart still aces at the thought of you
What are the chances, out of all people in the world YOU fell into my life and when you did I thought it was the greatest thing until it wasn't. I still care about you even after all the hurt you put me through. I stILL give af even after all the pain you've caused me. Why do I do this? Why do I STILL give af? I asked myself this all the time until I realized it's Because I love you... I still love you. I thought I didn't but I did. When I see you it all comes rushing back, emotions flooding in all at once. You smile at me and I forget everything for a moment. I hear your laugh and I forget everything... for a moment, I feel your touch and forget.. and then suddenly I remember everything you've done all at once but I STILL love you. They say love makes you do crazy things.. They should also say it makes you and idiot, especially if it's not the right person. You're not the right person but I love you anyway. And I don't know how to get over it. I wish I did but I don't. My heart hurts.. it really hurts. What's worse is you don't realize the effect you have on me. What's worse is you playing with me. You treat me like shit and intentionally hurt me. I try to move on and you come back and tell me you love me. And like a dumb ass I let you. I let you come back and love me even though I know you'll hurt me again. I let you because in my mind somehow I can fix you, somehow I can get through to you. What's worse is you don't realize you do to me is exactly what she did to you. In the end it all comes back to her. Sometimes I wish I would have gotten to you first. Maybe then you wouldn't have been so fucked up and maybe then you'd see I'm not here to hurt you. I don't want to love you but I do I don't want to stick around but i do. Because I'm a fucking idiot and I love you.
1/9/2020
11:23
I wrote this at a time I was dealing with a boy. I call him a boy because that's what he was. When I say this it's not an insult to all the darling little boys out there, it's just a word to describe someone who LOOKs like a man but his behavior and knowledge is anything but.
The little girl that wrote this doesn't exist anymore. She is gone. She has grown. She is much stronger, and gets stronger everyday. That little girl is a woman. And she will never feel this way again.
YOU ARE READING
Words (Where I leave my feelings)
RandomThese are my journal entries from long ago. These are entries my Angels had specifically told me that others needed to see, so I will share them now. Hoping that you can find someone who understands you. Hoping that you can find someone who knows ex...
