To Be A Shelby

Chapter Nineteen

MARIE

It's been a week and Thomas never really showed his face. She was furious at him but a stupid part of her hoped that he would come and appologize once more at the very least. But Tommy Shelby was nowhere to be found.

"Marie?" she heard Finn knocking outside her room. Until then, she hadn't noticed that she's been crying. She opened the door but not before she composed herself.

"Sorry, Finn. I'm really in no mood to play– Johnny?" she was surprised to see him there, and an instant flashback of what happened at the mansion appeared in her mind.

"I knew you wouldn't answer if you knew it was me," he shrugged, an apologetic look plastered on his face.

"I don't want to talk," Marie replied coldly, refusing to look him in the eye.

"I know, and you don't have to. I'll do the talking," John started, and took Marie's silence as a signal to continue, "I didn't agree with what Tommy did, and I know I should have stood my ground. I'm sorry. There's really no excuse, I should've stopped him when I had the chance."

Marie couldn't help it, and dared to look at him. Her anger had melted away when she saw how tortured the look on John's face was. She wanted to stay mad, just for a little bit longer, hoping to punish them but in all honesty, who was she kidding? Marie knew she was never the type of person to hold a grudge, especially not against the Shelbys.

"You're right, you should have stopped him. But you didn't. The fact that you disagreed with his decision but still didn't have the spine to stand up to him doesn't console me much," she said, looking outside the window where she saw the horses being fed.

"I know," was all Johnny could say.

"But the fact that you had the nerve to come up here and muster an apology is something I appreciate, except of course the underhanded manner of using Finn as a bait so I would let you in," Marie said, unable to stifle a laugh and looking at Johnny with a slight smile.

"Oh, God, I thought you'd hate me forever," Johnny was now holding back tears, looking at the ceiling like a tool which made her smile even more.

"You know I couldn't, not even if I tried. Whether you all want me or not, you're my family. I've seen how hard you've worked to get to where you are now, and I understand that it was tempting, like it was finally the last piece of the puzzle and you'd all be living the life you've always wanted."

"Shelbys have each others backs, and you are one. We're not perfect, we each have our flaws, but we always show up for each other. It just takes us some time to come around," he answered, and she had the feeling that he was hinting about Tommy.

"Oh, John. Don't even get me started with that man," she spat, rolling her eyes as if Thomas was there to witness it, himself.

"I wasn't, really," Johnny raised his hands as if in surrender and sat across her.

"You hoped to bring him up, though, didn't you?" she asked, unconsciously looking back on how they danced at the party. It all seemed too good to be true then, but she didn't expect to be woken up from the dream too soon.

"It wouldn't be my place to talk about him. Which reminds me, Lizzie was actually one of his whores. He tried to test her, offered her money for one last time and she said yes," he shared, looking crestfallen. It made her sad, too. She knew how happy Lizzie had made him feel, and then suddenly that happy picture was stained with one hurtful action.

"We fell for people who hurt us," she muttered absentmindedly and turned her back to see a wide-eyed Johnny.

"So you admit it? You love Tommy," his eyes got so big she worried they might pop out of his sockets.

"N-no, I never said that," she tried to wiggle her way out of her careless sentence, but her pitchy tone and the blush on her cheeks betrayed her. She hated the fact that she was blushing about the person that betrayed her.

"I'm not blind, you know? I see the way you look at him," Johnny found the courage to sit beside her, playfully nudging her with his elbow as he did so.

"I... honestly don't know. I mean, I'm deeply aware of the fact that it's wrong on so many levels but... something about it just feels right to me," she relented, finally allowing herself to open up about the feelings she had kept buried for some time.

"How the fuck is it wrong? It's not like you're both related, at least not by blood, anyway," was his reply. She felt lighter and a bit freer having told Johnny but she had hoped that he would not encourage her.

"I feel like I'm betraying Aunt Pol," she confessed yet again.

Johnny fell silent for a while, he looked like he was contemplating something. After a few seconds, he said, "Well, I do think Aunt Pol's not going to like the thought of you and Tommy together."

"You say that as if Tommy and I would ever get the chance to be together in the first place. He still hasn't appologized to me for what happened, let alone tell me how he felt about me," she sighed, putting her face between her palms.

"He will, eventually. Tommy knows he fucked it up bigtime so he's still coming to terms with what he did, and if he does have feelings for you then it would be harder to accept that he hurt the person he loves," Johnny explained.

He looked like he was about to add more to what he said but they heard Finn's loud footsteps and eventually, he knocked on the door.

"Marie, Tommy's looking for you downstairs," the boy said, breathless from all the running around.

Marie was as breathless as Finn. She waited for Tommy to talk to her but now that he was actually here, she didn't know what to say.

"Speak of the devil," Johnny teased.

Marie gave him a playful punch before taking a deep breath and headed downstairs.