Fizah

اِظہار|Izhar

"Ek roz koi aayega saari fursatain le kar,
Ek roz hum kahenge, zaroorat nahi rahi."

Fizah stood rooted to the place with her head tilted and looking at her husband doing things for someone from his past– the way he was protecting the girl from the world had her worrying for herself. He was doing it for her because he shared a deep bond with her and how could she expect him to do the very same for her when he had known her for only less than a year. This was all about her– Manahil– his first wife, the woman he had willingly chosen to spend his life with and not because of the pressure someone's existence put him through. No matter what, she would always be his second wife and why, because the world said so.

The feeling, the insecurity and everything else she felt at that moment was not welcoming and bugged her from inside. It made her pity herself. It made her want to cry at the game of fate- forcing her to run far away from the man and live in hiding. It was overwhelming– so much that she wasn't feeling herself. What name did this horrifying and gripping ache have, she didn't know.

With her head slightly craned, Fizah pondered upon the things he had done for her and now that she witnessed how he had been protecting her, she felt less special and as though something was taken away from her. Zahid adjusted the blanket on her and sat back with a book in his hands. To say he had totally forgotten about her wouldn't be an understatement. He did forget her because he was wallowing in the guilt of not being able to save Manahil for the girl if not for himself.

She suffocated in the well conditioned room and all she wanted was to leave without his notice. She couldn't have him tail her after what he showed to her. She needed peace to make herself understand and to come to terms with the secrets of his past that he was unfolding to her only because she was his wife and she had every right in the world to know every minute details about her husband.

Her feet took tiny steps back and inched closer to the door. The air her lungs pushed out hitched in her throat and the air her nose tasted didn't reach her lungs. Her chest cavity pulsated, tightening her thoracic muscles and making it hard to breathe. The room had started to close in on her even when the man she trusted the most was present in the very room.

Gripping the straps of her bag in his fists, "I'll be back in a few." She fled without letting him complete his sentence and the only thing she heard – I will come with you- was all. Zahid would never know what it felt like– he would never understand the pain he was indirectly inflicting upon her. They said it right, love and pain go hand in hand.

Her eyes blurred and mind hazy, Fizah walked through the hallway, aimlessly, around everywhere to get off the land of thoughts. It bothered her as she over thought about it but it wasn't something she could turn blind eye to. This wasn't about life anymore– it was never about life but about heart. It scared her that it would leave her heart scathed and bleeding again.

"Aw!" Whimpering when a pain shot through her foot, she cursed herself harmlessly for being clumsy and hitting her foot on the wall. The little and the fourth finger throbbed as though they were pricked by thorns, "Ya Allah." A gentle call out to the most gentlest seemed to have calmed her nerves a bit as she visibly relaxed.

Examining her foot one last time, she stood straight and looked around to get help when she observed them changing colors to pink to the lightest shade of blue. The throbbing pain only increased, resulting in her wanting to rip the nails off her fingers. She crouched again, rubbing her feet with an alcohol wipe that she carried everywhere. When her eyes caught the sight of a man dressed in deep brown.

"Need help?" Asked the tree trunk as she had named him. Fizah, so desperately, wanted to run her mouth and vent on him but then he was neither Zahid nor Saleh to take her tantrums.