Amethyst

Chapter 8 - The Aftermath

I'm sitting in my room. or at least, the room I'll be using while I'm here. Nuna is sitting curled up on my bed, sleeping. Ben and I have only been here about two weeks, but already so much has happened. I guess one of the only good things is that Ezekiel must have finally relayed to the King and Queen because when I came back from another session of training one day, making sure to keep my distance from Ben, I walked in to find some gemstones on the bedside table. Most Amethyst but one a Rose Quartz and the other a Sapphire. I also discovered a small pile of books on the bench with the window, each one a different book of poetry. Also on the becnh with the window were a couple of succulents as well as the two flowers. The blue and purple one I helped bloom, and the pink and white one I helped bring back to life. I left the both of them on the bench so they could get plenty of sunlight. I placed the  books on the bedside table but haven't read any of them yet, haven't even so much as touched the gems yet. 

Another thing that has happened is when I'm sleeping. Lately, I've had the same dream over and over. Me walking through the hallway in the beautiful dress, not knowing what I'm looking for, each time Ben grabbing me, pinning me against the wall and being intimate with me. At first, I kept trying to fight him in the dream. But a few days later, when the dream happened again, I decided to give in to the amazing pleasure that suddenly filled me. I figured that as long as I'm not with Ben in real life, I can have some semblance of something between us. So I've just been pursuing my romance in dreams, each time waking up and crying, wishing it was real. Thankfully, I learned that we were the only ones occupying this floor. My crying fits after are so loud that It actually ended up waking Ben from his sleep. The first night, he rushed to my door, knocked on it loudly, asking what was wrong. And I feel terrible about it. The very first night, when I didn't respond to his answering question of whether or not I was okay, he ended up just sleeping against my door in the hallway, staying awake for a few hours talking to me, making conversation out of whatever he felt like before ultimately falling asleep. We both did, eventually. But I got up before he did. When morning came and I opened my door to see if he was still there, I found him asleep against the wall. He must've been really tired with worry; Because when I somehow managed to be strong enough to haul him to his feet and drag him through the doorway into his room, I laid him down on the bed and went to leave. What broke me the most was when he whispered to no one in particular, 

'Shelby. Why have you been so distant towards me?' 

I didn't bring him into his bed after that when he falls asleep outside my room. And so far, he's left me alone more and more these past two weeks. Good. Though I can't help the lump that rises in my chest and makes me want to cry when I think about it.

I just need to keep telling myself that things are better this way. If I lose him as a friend, so be it. I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness and what I want as long as it means he finds someone more worth his time. 

As I continue to sit in my room, I make a mental list all the negative things that happened during the battle.

the Queen is injured. Innocent people, not to mention children, are dead. though this is just a fraction of the sadness, death and destruction Rohit and Celadon are planning, I cant possibly imagine what will this mean for the Amethyst Court. I can't possibly imagine what King Caspian, his wife or any of his children, though I haven't yet met them, are going through. I'm still angry; at my parents, at Ben. I know it's not any of their faults, that again they thought they were just protecting me, keeping me safe. but if they truly wanted that, if they truly wanted me to be safe, my parents and Ben should've told me about this, should've worked with me on my powers. that's how they'd know I would be safe. how I'd be able to protect myself.

I try to process my emotions about this. try to dissuade the anger I feel towards Ben and my parents, when a knock at the door makes me jerk my head up. I hope it's not Ben. I'm still angry with him. Plus I have to continue distancing myself from being close enough for him to touch me gently or anything remotely romantic or intimate. I get off the bed and open the door. It's the maid, Tilly, again. Good. she says, "Evening miss. the king has organized a burial ceremony for those who died. he said to bring you this, as everyone has specific attire for moments such as these. I look down and notice in her hand a box made of dark purple mahogany wood.