Amethyst

Chapter 9 - Callum and his brothers

I've been laying on the bed for hours, underneath the blankets, not moving or doing anything. The moment I returned to my room, I immediately yanked the dress off and cut it into tiny pieces using scissors that I found. I never want to see the scraps of fabric again. So I just placed the cut up dress under the bed, where I know for a fact I will never see it again. 

Since last night, depression has been hanging over me like a thick rain cloud, about to burst open any second and leave me soaking wet. But I don't care. Let the imaginary rain cloud rain on me as much as it wants. It doesn't matter. I know Ben will never speak to me again. And even if he does, it won't be for years and years. But it probably won't even matter, in the end. Once we save my parents I doubt I'll want to remain here. As beautiful as this world is, it will hurt too much living here, knowing Ben is as well. I don't even blame him for accusing me of those things. I had no idea I could act such a horrible persona out so well. I've never even taken the drama class at my school. 

The only thing I'll get up for is training. I know I have to eat, but I dont deserve food after last night. Ben will probably be in the training room too, practising with the wolves. I'm going to hate it. I don't deserve to look at him after what I said, even though I meant none of it. But he doesn't know that. He's right when I said I spit on his confession about being in love with me. Glumly, I slowly sit myself up, my back touching the soft headboard, causing me back pain. Last night, I cried so much that I gave myself a pounding headache. It's the middle of the day and it's still here. My head hurts, but I welcome the intense pain of it. As I'm sitting fully upright, I look over at Nuna. Once again, she's sitting on the windowsill, gazing outside. I don't know how, but I can only guess she somehow heard every word I said to Ben last night, because she's kept on giving me piercing glares of hate and disgust. Despite me telling her multiple times last night that I meant none of it, she clearly doesn't want to listen, just point her nose in the air, studiously ignoring me. I try again, saying this time in a tired and weary voice, wanting to avoid any and all conflict as much as possible, 

"C'mon, Nuna, I already told you. I didn't mean any of the words I said to Ben last night. I just did it so this way, he'd no longer be in love with me. And since I lost him as a friend, I guess that eventually I can learn to deal with that too. I deserve it for how convincing I was."

Though she doesn't literally say it to me, I feel like she silently says to me with another eye piercing glare, 'Damn right you deserve it. You had no reason to go at it that hard' I say to her,

"Don't you think I know that? Believe what you like, but I HATED doing that to Ben. But I know deep down it's better this way. I was never good enough for him and now, even if I could go back in time and say none of that to him, I think I'd just get out of it by pretending I was tired or something and come back to my room. Anyway, I'm going to head to the training room. You can come along if you like. Might give you a chance to see me get beat hard today since I can't focus with this pounding headache and back pain."

She doesn't even respond to my words, opting instead to remain on the windowsill, unmoving. Sighing, the pain in my head increasing tenfold, I slowly get up. As I do, I feel horribly shaky all over, having to grip the bed so I don't vomit and collapse to the floor from the pain radiating throughout my head. Once it fades a little, I'm able to at least get dressed and carefully make my way out of my bedroom, taking the steps to the training room one at a time so I don't trip. 

Thankfully, as I make my way towards the training room, the pain recedes enough to allow me to at least focus on the day ahead of me.

Time seems to crawl by as I make my way down the halls. As I pass maids and others walking through the halls, I notice from the corner of my eye them watching me intently. They all know something isn't right with me today. I pay none of them any mind as I eventually reach the training room. I feebly push open the door, bright sunlight filtering in through one of the windows, blinding my vision, causing me to have to squint my eyes enough that the pain in my head comes back with full force.