I still loved you

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Dear Jungkook,

I heard you found a new girl.

I am happy for you. I always wanted to make you happy, I really tried to make you happy.. Seems someone else was meant to do it instead. I saw your smile when you talked to her in that bar. It was a wide smile, like you used to smile when we were together on our first date.. Giggles.. Laughter.. Love.

I don't know how your love for me faded. I don't really care though. It's okay, since you found happiness.

If you ask for me? Well, I am broken. Yeah, broken.. but, you know what? I am used to this. You prepared me well for this. Scolding me for making bad food, sleeping in a different room, slapping me when you used to be getting home drunk..

I still loved you. I still loved you when you used to hit me, violate me.. I still loved you when you said you hate me.. I still loved you when you lied to me about everything.. Going at work when you were in her house making love with somebody who I used to be in their place..

Shit, I still remember when you confessed to me. It was so sweet.. So.. Romantic, so.. Beautiful.. I remember you were so shy. Having your friends besides you, maybe for not making any mistake. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it was about to jump out of my body.

When we used to kiss on the rooftop, because your parents would scold you if they saw us.. When we used to making each other's day with beautiful talks, cuddles, hugs.. Big. Warm hugs.. We used to skip classes and hanging out together, because we couldn't stay seperate. We missed each other even though we were in the same classroom.

Hey, you know..our memories keep me alive. Right. Memories, memories, memories.. Only memories are left from you. Oh, and your oversized hoodie which I used to wear when you were not with me at home. For keeping me company. I can still smell your scent.. So beautiful.. So calming..

Being in bed all day isn't easy. I can't walk properly.. My hands and legs hurt, but hey it's not your fault. If I was a better partner for you, you wouldn't be so angry and triggered with me. I am sorry. I am sorry that I couldn't give you what you pleated for. What you deserved. I am sorry for giving up. I am sorry for being so weak, so useless. I feel like I'm disappearing little by little. Like dying..

I am writing this to bring you back our memories and remind you how much I loved, love and WILL love you forever. I promised you, didn't I? I said I will love you until the day I die, and maybe after that. I kept my promise. Did you?

Your Taehyung

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