Wishes

1: Before Sunrise

I want to see her happy once more. Twenty-seven years and his meaningless life were dictated by these words. A mantra without origin or purpose, yet the words haunted him with every step he took. Haunting him endlessly.

"Lim Soo-ho."

The man's attention stayed fixed on the window.

"Lim Soo-ho!"

Still, he did not turn.

"Ah, this kid. This is why you don't hire random bums from off the street..."

Manager Kim limped over to the cashier and slapped the counter with his wrinkled fist.

"Hey! Part-timer! Stop staring off into space, and do your job properly!"

At last, the brat turned, with eyes so vacant that the old man drew his hand back hesitantly, still not used to his employee's abnormal behavior. This was the third time that day that he caught him in a daze with his whole body frozen in time, his eyes far off and aimlessly yearning.

Like an old man awaiting his demise.

Seriously, how depressing. "Oh, just go home already. I don't know why I keep you when all you give me is kidney stones." And concern, but god forbid he admit it!

Before Soo-ho could reply a simple 'yes, sir', the old man walked off, continuing his grumblings under his breath and disappearing into the back room of the convenience store. He stared back at the window for a while and looked away once more when he realized that nothing would change. He checked his watch. 19:57. Three minutes until his shift ends. He counted the tiles on the floor. Eighty-seven. Two minutes left. So, then he counted the cash in the register. Eighty-seven dollars exact. Strange.

When one minute was left, he took off his name tag and shoved it in his pocket. Then he checked out. At exactly 20:00, he stepped out of the store. He walked home, and some days he would think about what to eat for dinner (usually he went with ramyeon). But, today was one of those pitiful days where he was hopeful. Where he hoped something would happen. Something big that would draw him out of this state—this maze with no exit.

Something that would clear up the mystery behind those words and free him from any lingering thoughts of what they could possibly mean.

And then, by the time he finished such ponderings, he would be home. He unlocked his door and went straight for the pantry cabinet, taking out the instant noodles. Manager Kim gave him a packet the week before and it was almost finished. He would have to ask again tomorrow.

After eating the ramen, he took a shower, counting the tiles that lined the walls. He lost count. Then, he brushed his teeth, studying his reflection in the mirror. What are you doing with your life, he asked himself and rinsed his mouth with water. He wanted to know the answer, but like always, it was like walking into a brick wall, and he gave up hoping, retreating to his bedroom.

At the side of his bed was his diary and he flipped through the last few pages.

1 March 2014

Today nothing much has happened. Nothing important has changed. This evening, Manager Kim yelled at me for spacing off during work. I apologized. On the way home, I saw a couple riding a bicycle together. For some reason, I didn't feel well after seeing them. I guess I wanted to do that too. Then, when I got home, I ate the noodles Manager Kim gave me. This time it is jjajangmyeon. I know he cares about me, but refuses to say it.

There has been no progress so far.

10 March 2014

Hello, it is me again. I didn't write the last few days because nothing important has changed. Manager Kim yelled at me again. But, this time I spaced out in the middle of helping a customer. She was wearing a pink one-piece dress and it bothered me. Later, when I was walking home, I saw that couple on their bicycle again and it made my mood even worse. I got home, didn't bother to eat the ramen, and went straight to the shower.

There has been no progress so far.

Soo-ho sighed and picked up a pencil.

19 March 2014

There has been no progress so far.

...

I'm tired.

He tried to think of what else to write, but couldn't think of anything new, so he put away the diary and slipped under the covers. But even as he drifted off to sleep, he heard the words:

I want to see her happy once more.