Wishes

6. Wait For Me (Don't Look Back...)

The lobby of the theatre was plastered with posters, some with a close-up of Young-ro's face, others with her and another man, whom he presumed was Romeo. They were posed like Gustav Klimt's The Kiss and while romantic and dreamy, all the posters carried an air of bitter tragedy. He began to question his decision to attend the show, knowing it may only end in misfortune, though he was already at the ticket counter and the lady smiled as she handed him his playbill.

"Would you like to pay an extra dollar for a rose and a written message to any of our cast members?"

He hesitated before nodding, quickly scribbling a note with his pen.

Dear Young-ro,

Break a leg, I know you will do great. 화이팅!

- Soo-ho

The attendant eyed him strangely as he folded the paper into an airplane.

The dread truly set in once he was seated, surrounded by crowds of people who all knew each other–students, family, faculty–all discussing things so minimal to a normal person, yet so desirable to him who had been deprived of it for more than one lifetime.

"Yah, after the play do you want to go eat? I bet they'll all be hungry after performing."

"No, don't you know? They have a cast party after this since it's the final performance. You should've eaten before, stupid."

"I was going to treat you but I guess not?"

Soo-ho tuned out the rest of the conversation and instead focused his attention on the playbill in his lap, unconsciously smiling as he read Young-ro's biography.

CHOI YOUNG-RO (Juliet Capulet). Choi Young-ro is a first-year BFA Acting major who is excited to showcase her best effort in her first lead role as Juliet Capulet. She feels deeply for this role and is thankful to those who supported her along the way: her Mom, her Dad, and Soo-ho-ssi.

But as always, her absolute hope and belief in him had brought with it a mixture of affection and sadness. If only he could express his gratitude without such inexplicable boundaries and to be worthy of her kindness. But, he knew, that there was little chance of his wishes coming true.

*

Young-ro was dressed in a burgundy gown, its puffed shoulders and slender sleeves accompanied by a modest train of fabric that trailed behind her as she walked across the stage. Her hair was plaited, decorated with ribbon, and her bodice was woven with jewels that reflected brilliantly with the lights.

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

Her eyes scoured the audience, searching, and once landing upon him her lips lifted into a grin, showcasing a sort of joy only interpreted as the purity of first love. Even as her slender arms embraced Romeo, her eyes still searched for him with an unfaltering brightness. Watching her act was easy, for she excelled in fully embracing her character (who was more like her than she could imagine), though for him, following the story proved a harder task. Star-crossed lovers, opposing families, and tragedy echoed too many haunts of the past, prodding at the untreated wounds viciously.

He barely paid attention to the final scene as Young-ro trembled at the sight of her lifeless Romeo, the dagger clutched desperately within her fist. Her heartbreak was so fiercely portrayed it brought some folks to tears, yet he was numb to the agony and eyed the prop her hand brought feverishly towards her chest. Watching her like this left a sickening feeling in his stomach.

"O happy dagger, This is thy sheath: there rust, and let me die!" Young-ro recited and plunged it into her flesh. Soo-ho looked away. He felt himself tremble with her and ached at her knack for realism. In the corner of his eye, he saw the two lovers laying deathly still upon center-stage.

He could not recall the rest.

Amidst the loud applause and hollering, the cast took their bows and so he stood, eyeing the exit. After weeks of aversion, this much avoidance was blatant and Young-ro frowned, watching the man leave with a lingered glance. He saw how his swift leave had tainted all else with bitterness–the applause, the cheers, the lights–and it was clear that her patience had run out.

Before the curtain even fell, he saw her hurried feet run backstage.

He cursed himself for playing with her feelings, how his selfishness had brought on this confusion and continued walking–his self-reproach fueling him to walk faster.

"Soo-ho-ssi! Wait!"

He pulled down his cap and continued walking. Her frantic footsteps echoed in the quiet night.

"Soo-ho-ssi! You can't avoid me forever! Please talk to me!"

His voice was caught in his throat and he went on, ignoring her pleas. It was when the sound of her heels ceased that he slowed down and looked woefully to the ground. He was ashamed he had entertained her to this point despite knowing their circumstances, but the weight of her life was heavy upon his shoulders. It was the only thing keeping his mouth shut, keeping him from turning around to answer her call.

"Listen to me for a second, will you? I understood not wanting to confront me right away. I know how I approached you was weird. I know that I pestered you to be my friend. I know you aren't indebted to me or anything, but it's been weeks Soo-ho and nothing makes sense. You reply to my notes, and you come to support me, yet I'm stuck chasing after you. I want to understand you, Soo-ho, but it's hard. So, if this is how you want our friendship, or whatever we are, to play out then I don't know if I can take it anymore."

He tensed once he heard her footsteps once more, only to realize that she was walking away from him, just as he had always done to her.

The next day, she did not wait at the bus stop. Or the day after that.

The paper planes stopped coming as well.

And just like his life before her, he was alone once more.