you're not so bad | [hoonki]

[four]

"wonie!"

jay wailed dramatically as he burst into jungwon's room — completely disregarding sunghoon, who was holding the door open for him as he sat down on the edge of the younger's bed.

the younger boy was sitting upright in his bed with his phone in hand, tubes taped to his arm that connected up to a heart monitor, and a rack holding multiple bags of fluids containing important nutrients he needed.

sunghoon hated seeing him like this — his brother was always someone who shone brightly wherever he was.

he always emitted positivity which thankfully never went away. however, his previously round cheeks had slimmed down, his eyes lost their usual sparkle, his skin a sickly gaunt colour. it was amazing how only a few weeks could change someone so much.

"hi, jay hyung," jungwon says as he rolled his eyes, although a soft smile slipped onto his lips as he leaned over to kiss the older's cheek.

"i've missed you all so much." he hummed, beaming up at his older brother and jake as they came to stand beside jay.

"you act as if i don't visit every day," sunghoon scoffed with a gentle smile, leaning against the wall beside the back of the bed.

jungwon shot his hyung a pointed look as he hummed, "you didn't visit yesterday."

"i had work, you know that," the silver-haired boy chuckled. "your insufferable boyfriend wanted to visit, but i wouldn't let him."

"good. he would've disrupted my nap time," jungwon responded with a teasing smile, receiving an offended gasp from jay.

"you're all so mean to me!" the oldest whined.

"i wonder why," sunghoon chuckled. jay opened his mouth to retort but he was interrupted by someone clearing their throat from behind them.

sunghoon glanced up towards the door, immediately straightening his posture when he met eyes with his brother's doctor.

"ah, doctor choi, it's nice to see you."

"likewise, sunghoon-ah. would you mind stepping outside with me for a moment?" the older woman smiled gently, but sunghoon could immediately sense a slight grimness behind it. she was their family doctor — he'd seen her so many times that he had learned to read her quite well.

sunghoon nodded right away and bent to peck his brother's forehead, "i'll be back." he then gestured towards jay and added, "no funny business. let him rest. jake, keep an eye on him, will you?"

"i'm a full-grown adult, god damn, you really have no faith in me," jay grumbled, although no one paid him any mind as sunghoon followed the woman outside — gently sliding the door shut behind him.

"i think you know what i'm going to say," dr. choi sighed once the two were alone, her false smile dissipating into a serious expression. immediately, sunghoon felt his heart drop.

"he's getting worse, isn't he? i can see it taking a toll on him," sunghoon murmured, running his fingers through his hair, his fingers curling around his silver strands in stress.

the doctor nodded, glancing down at her clipboard for a second.

"i know how hard you're working, sunghoon. but i don't know how much longer he can endure this. we've found a donor, but they're abroad. that'll be extra to the surgery cost."

"and how much is that?"

"at least twelve thousand dollars."

"dollars? just for the transportation??" sunghoon asked incredulously, panic slowly settling in. "i can scrape up the surgery costs by the end of my semester, but this...how much time do i have for this?"

the doctor pursed her lips and answered, "one more month to be safe. any longer and there's no guarantee the donor will still be available."

swallowing sharply, sunghoon took a deep breath to calm his emotions and nodded. "i'll do my best."

"don't overexert yourself in the process, sunghoon. jungwon wouldn't be happy seeing you destroy yourself over him, okay?" dr. choi gently reminded him, patting his shoulder reassuringly.

"i know. thank you, doctor. i'll see you tomorrow?" the boy responded, the woman nodding before turning away — leaving sunghoon in the empty hallway, alone with his thoughts.

distraught wasn't enough to describe how he was feeling.

he felt lost.

he felt like he wasn't competent enough. he didn't know what to do. he had to help his brother, there was no way he could risk his brother losing his life. but what could he do?

he's considered dropping out to save money and work more hours, but jungwon had made him swear to never ever do that — he couldn't break his brother's trust. he attempted a bank loan, but the amount he needed was simply too large to be allowed.

the boy bit his lip in frustration and allowed himself to slide to the floor — his back against the wall as he looked up at the ceiling, red hot tears pricking his eyes.

he didn't want to cry.

jungwon would immediately notice if he did. the last thing he wanted was to make the boy worry. not today and not ever.

maybe it was all the stress accumulating into a suffocating weight on his shoulders, but sunghoon couldn't stop the waterfalls of tears that escaped his eyes. maybe a good cry was exactly what he needed to clear his head and rationally think of a solution.

drowning in despair, he completely missed the warm dark-brown eyes, watching him from the other end of the empty hallway.

they were pitying and heartbroken as they watched the boy silently sob into his palms until he'd completely run himself dry. they held a sense of admiration and sorrow as they watched the boy pick himself off the floor, gently patting away his tears before donning a smile that was so clearly an act.
they were guilty and distressed as they watched the boy re-entered the room with a loud, "park jongseong get off him, please!" — loud laughter spilling out of the room as the door slid shut.

the observer quietly approached the now shut door, their eyes scanning the paperwork attached to the smooth surface with a sharp inhale — lingering on four important words.

yang jungwon.

heart transplant.

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authors note:

to whom may those pair of eyes belong to?

until the next update...<3