Heathers The Musical (The Novelization)

I Might Be Beautiful

September 1st, 1989
Dear Diary,
I believe I'm a good person, you know I think there's good in everyone but here we are, first day of senior year! And, um...I look around at these kids that I've know all my life and ask myself, what happened?

As I kept to myself writing in my diary, one of the meat head jocks knocked a kid down on the floor. "Hey are you ok?" I asked going to help him up. "Ugh get away nerd!" he snarked back. "Oh...ok" I said.

Things will get better as soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. Away from this coma, take my diploma, then I can blow this town. Dream of ivy covered wall and smokey French cafes. Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze.

Before completing my though someone comes and knocks my diary on the ground. "Oops" I hear as I look up and see Ram Sweeney, third year as line backer and eight year of being a huge dick. "What did you say to me skank?" he asked. "Ahh, nothing!" I quickly replied. As he walked away from me he gave me the motion that he "has his eyes on me".

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around startled. "Ahh, hey Martha" I said. "Hey, we still up for movie night?" she asked me as she help me pick up my books. "Yeah, your on jiffy pop detail." I responded. "I rented the Princess Bride!" she exclaimed. "Again? Wait don't you have that memorized by now?" I said while laughing. "Well what can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending."

"Martha Dumptruck, wide load! Haha!" I heard someone yell at Martha as they knocked her tray down. Looking up I saw Kurt Kelly the quarterback. He's the smartest guy on the football team, which is kinda like being the tallest dwarf. "Hey pick that up, right now!" I demanded. "Are you actually talking to me?" He said as Martha hid behind me. "I believe my buddy Kurt here just asked you a question." Ram chimed in. "Yes I am, I want to know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. Your a high school has been waiting to happen, a future gas station attendant!" I said to him. Moving closer to me Martha and I backed up as we watched him point to the top of my forehead. "You have a zit right there!" he said to me attracting the attention of everyone in the cafeteria causing them to burst out in laughter.

All of a sudden the laughing stopped and everyone's attention diverted to the cafeteria doors. Martha ran over to the doors and ran back equally as quick, not being able to tell me what's happening. All of a sudden I saw them, the Heathers. They seem to float above it all.

The three of them walked in cafeteria while everyone crowded them when all of a sudden the broke the crowd one by one. Heather McNamara, her dad is loaded he sells engagement rings. Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernible personality but her mom did pay for implants. And Heather Chandler, the almighty. She is a mythic bitch. Their solid Teflon, never bother never harassed. I would give anything to be like that. All of a sudden one kid yelled in the middle of the cafeteria "I'd like to kidnap a Heather and take naked photos of her in an abandoned wear house and leave her tied up for the rats." causing everyone to look at him.

The lunch bell rang and everyone started to head to class but I headed to the bathroom. I saw Heather Chandler and Heather McNamara standing at the sinks, but there was no sign of Heather Duke. I leaned against the wall and started to write. "Ughhhh" I heard come from one of the stalls. "Grow up Heather, bulimia is so 87'" Heather Chandler still fixing her makeup in the mirror. "Maybe you should go see a doctor Heather." Heather McNamara said pulling on a curl. "Yea Heather, maybe I should." Heather Duke said from within the stall. All of a sudden the door flew open and in walked Ms.Flemmings. "Ah, Heather and Heather..." she said being interrupted by another stream of puke falling into the toilet. "...and Heather. Perhaps you don't hear the late bell your late to class." she told them. Turning away from the mirror Heather Chandler told her "Heather wasn't feeling well. We're helping her." as Heather Duke stumbled out of the stall. "Not without a hall pass your not. Weeks dentition." she said writing them a dentition slip. I quickly scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it her. "Umm...actually Ms.Flemmings, we're all out on a hall pass. Year book committee." Looking at the note she handed it back to me. "Seems you all listed. Hurry up and get where you going." She said walking out of the bathroom. Heather Chandler quickly moved up and snacked the paper out of my hand. "This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?" she asked passing the paper back to the next Heather. "Umm...Veronica. Sawyer. I crave a boon." I quickly blurted out after wiping of my sweaty hand and putting it out for a shake. "What boon?" she said ignoring my hand shake. "Well umm...let me sit at your table just once, not talking necessary. If people think you tolerate me then they'll leave me alone." I said waiting for a response. Looking at me they all snickered. "Before you answer I also do report cards, permission slips, and absent notes" I quickly added in. "How about prescriptions?" Heather Duke asked. "Shut up Heather." Heather Chandler quickly responded. "Sorry Heather" she responded just as quick. "For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure." Heather Chandler said eyeing my face up down. "And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important." Heather McNamara said reviving some very strange looks not only from me but Heather Chandler and Duke as well. "Of course you could lose a few pounds." Heather Duke said. "You know, this could be beautiful. Get this girl some blush and Heather I need your brush. Let's make her beautiful. Ok?" Heather Chandler said. "Ok!" I said. They started to apply make up, found me a change of clothes, and even did my hair. When they were finished with their new project they were ready to show me off in the next lunch period.

As we walked in to the cafeteria, we heard various different words being exchanged among everyone. "Who is that?" someone asked. "Who's the babe?" another asked. All of a sudden I heard a familiar voice shout my name. "Veronica?" I looked over and saw Martha looking at me in awe. All of a sudden everyone knew it was me. They all wanted to talk to me, they all wanted to be my friend. After looking like hell on wheels, I finally knew what it means to be beautiful.

And when your beautiful, it's a beautiful fricking day!