Self Control [Carlisle Cullen]

35

"i'm losing my connection
i'm tired of the rules and your corrections
i want to live my life, be all of its pages
and underline that i am not an angel."

- Aurora, Giving into the Love

Carlisle waited until Anna was inside. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want her to leave.

He had have one of the best days since they moved to Seattle. He loved having Anna over. She fit in perfectly, like a piece of a puzzle. She had been so kind and understanding when they came forward as they really were.

Even after Anna had gone inside, he stayed there for a while. Listened to her movements inside. She texted someone on her phone, then went to turn on the shower.

Carlisle turned the car back on with strange feelings. He didn't want to go yet. But if he stayed here, people would notice and ask questions. They didn't need unnecessary attention from others.

So he left, drove back home as he thought about his day with Anna. Every moment he'd had with her, he examined in his head, loved it.

With harsh movements Carlisle parked the car on the side of the road. He was almost home, he should keep driving.

But he needed air, get out of the car, where her scent was still lingering around and making him... anxious, excited, nervous?

No, he realised when he breathed in the scents of the forest, listened to the night life. He looked back at the city, Anna.

He was in love. And it was so scary, frightening even.

Carlisle couldn't stop thinking about Alice's vision. One of them had happened. A part of it. Anna in their house, knowing about the existence of vampires. His family absolutely adoring her, which had also happened—how couldn't it have happened anyways?

Then together in his office. Laughing, having a good time.

The other visions doomed in his mind. Anna leaving. Him being more miserable than he had ever been.

The Volturi.

"Oh God," he whispered towards the night as he leaned against his car, as he started to realise what was happening right in front of him. The pieces in his head clicked together. It was either heartbreak or death.

He was in love with Anna Hendriks. Would he let her love him back?

The second the thought came up, Alice texted him. Even though he couldn't see her, hear her, he recognised the tone through the many sad emojis she used.

You've decided.

And Carlisle wanted to collapse already.

* * *

Anna had to take a shower after today. Beside all the information and the realisation of this secret world she had been living beside to, her head was about to burst.

And so was her heart.

She was so stupid, so irrational. Naive, maybe. The shower was so hot that it started to warm up her bones. The Cullens were so happy that Anna knew that they were constantly sitting against her, making her cold.

Every time Anna closed her eyes she saw Carlisle. His eyes, how they sparkled when he looked at his family or spoke about things that made him happy. His voice, the way he said her name.

And his smile. That damned smile.

Every time Anna was with him she felt her whole body warm up, her heath was racing and her pupils widened.

She didn't even realise that it had happened. She had always been so nervous around him and blamed it to awkwardness because he was her doctor.

But God, she had been lying to herself. She had fallen in love with Carlisle Cullen and today she realised it.

Anna scrubbed her whole body until her skin was pink and sensitive. She needed to scrub away the day, no matter how beautiful it had been.

The realisation, the new reality she lived in... It was too much for now. And above all, how would she deal with Carlisle?

If he did feel the same, he didn't tell her yet. But she didn't tell it either. Frustrated Anna got out of the shower and dried herself, got into some comfortable clothes and went to lay down in bed.

She hadn't been looking on her phone the whole day and noticed Heather tried to call her several times. Sighing she dialed her number, just to get over with it.

"Anna! I've been trying to reach you all day," Heather yelled into her ear. By she background sounds Anna could tell she was at another party. "Why aren't you at Josh's?"

"I didn't even know he was throwing a party," Anna replied. She had been so invested with the Cullens that Anna missed all the latest gossip and parties.

"Well, where have you been all day? You were barely with us the last week, since you were so caught up in your own head," Heather laughed.

"Are you sure this is the right time to talk?" Anna asked. She wasn't sure if she should tell Heather what she did right now.

But then again—maybe it would be better to get over with it, since she would tell the whole school on Monday if she waited so long.

"Of course! I want to hear about your day, but keep it short."

Already regretting it, Anna said: "I was with the Cullens today."

The silence was just a few seconds too long before Heather screamed: "WHAT? With the Cullens?!"

"At their place." Now Heather was screaming and Anna held her phone a few inches away from her ear.

"What the hell were you doing there? And why? Since when are you so close with them?!" Anna couldn't tell if Heather was only very surprised, or also hurt or even jealous.

"I became friends with Bella Cullen," Anna said, "and she invited me over to meet her family. It was really nice today, she has a lovely family." When she said that, she thought about Carlisle's eyes, Esme's sweet smile and Alice's cheeky grin.

"So I've seen," Heather mumbled and now she did sound jealous.  "I'm glad you had fun with them, Anna. See you Monday."

By the tone Heather gave Anna, she could tell that she didn't agree with this. Luckily for Anna it was her life and she decided what to do with it.

But then again, Heather only had Anna and Tony as real friends. Anna wouldn't like it either if she started hanging out with a whole different group and leave her on the side.

"We'll go do something soon, okay?" Anna said, trying to save the conversation.

"Okay, I'll let you know when I'm free!" Heather sounded a bit happier now and after a few more minutes she hung up the phone.

Anna blew out her air and stared at her ceiling, couldn't wait for Tuesday.