𝐀 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐒

Chapter 16

Morrigan

"That went well. It would seem none of us won our bet about who'd fight first" Rhys said, running a hand through his hair. 

"Sorry" Azriel said, his voice distant, cold. 

I sighed, pursing my lips as I looked around the room. Most of the High Lords had left for their rooms, though I'm sure they wouldn't be sleeping. 

No, the majority of them, the smart ones anyway, would be scheming and planning for the ever-present war looming over us. 

I was still upset, and I knew most of the others suspected such due to my erratic movements after the meeting had ended; that the events that had occurred between our court and Autumns had irked me. 

Though not for the reasons everyone had suspected. 

Eris's words hadn't bothered me, in fact I expected them, what had in fact bothered was Azriel's reaction to them. 

I hadn't expected him to go after Eris like that, hadn't expected him to interrupt the meeting on my behalf. 

Others had said horrid things, hell Tamlin publicly shamed Feyre in front of all the important court members at her first meeting, so I didn't understand why Azriel took such drastic actions to defend my honor. 

I bit my lip; it wasn't as if I wasn't grateful for him, for what he did. I just knew he had the wrong idea. 

I had tried, tried to make him understand that I wasn't interested in him. And I know, I know I haven't done enough, hadn't said enough. I just couldn't. 

He had saved my life, had picked me up off the Autumn Court forest and had made sure that I was never taken back to the wretched place I had been left or the other almost as horrid one that I had grew up in. 

I knew most people would think that I was selfish, and I was. I did use him and Cassian both, to shadow away the truth. 

I just wasn't ready.

A part of me wasn't ready. 

It had taken me so long to admit it to myself, to admit that I more than preferred females over their counterpart. 

I had tried to rid that part of me, had tried at the expense of my family, of my father. 

And in the end, when I couldn't, I wanted that part to be just for me. Something no one else could get rid of. 

They could marry me off, change practically everything about me, but they couldn't take this, no one could take this part of me away if they didn't know. 

I feel sick to my stomach knowing that I was hurting Azriel. But a long while ago I had made the decision, his feelings or my life, my essence. 

People, fairies, didn't accept those who were different. And while there were people who felt the same as I did, in Velaris and elsewhere, most would shame me. 

And some would try to kill me. 

I know my father would send those people after me once he learned that I didn't plan on marrying a male, and that I wasn't planning on bearing him an heir. 

Afterall, I wouldn't be of any use to him anymore. 

Which is why I guarded my secret, that other than a select few people, no one would ever know how I feel. 

"He had it coming," Viviane said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Eris is a piece of shit."

Kallias turned to his mate with high brows.