Are you falling in love?

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Today I woke up from ashtray spamming me.
15 missed calls from Ashtray👩‍🦯
Ashtray👩‍🦯: star
Ashtray👩‍🦯: star answer
Ashtray:👩‍🦯: star I'm being fr answer
Ashtray👩‍🦯: please star I'm serious
Star: you ok ?
Star: I was sleeping mb Ashtray👩‍🦯:can you come over? It's. important Star: yeah Omw

I hurried up and got ready to go over. I knew it was serious since the last time I seen him he was mad at me. I just wore a halter top and my jacket with jeans and my 4s.
" mom" I called out
" yeah star" she responded half asleep
" I'm leaving love you" I told her
" love you I'm leaving tn." She told me
" ok" I responded running out the door.

Ashtray didn't know I wasn't sober neither did anyone but rue. Me and rue swore to each other we wouldn't tell anyone we weren't clean. Well and Eliot knows but that's really all.

" hey fez"
" yo star ashtrays in his room." He said pointing to the house. I just nodded walking to the back. When I seen ash he looked pale and like he didn't sleep.

" hey" I told him as I looked at him
" hey umm" he said back not making eye contact
" yeah" I asked
" Star I just killed a man." He said in a soft tone I could tell he had watery eyes and looked like he had cried.
I never seen the softer side to him. Sometimes I forget we're kids. I just sat next to him and gave him a hug. I knew he didn't want to seem "weak" which hurt. I knew I could never tell anyone we had even a soft moment or he'd probably be mad at me.
" it's ok everything will be ok." I said which honestly I was reassuring not only him but myself
" I don't think I'm a good person star." He told me
"No you are I promise your a great person." I told him.
I knew he felt like a bad person but he wasn't he did of course have to make sacrifices for him and his family. I sat there with him for about an hour as we both just just were trying to process what happened. I cried like alot I was emotional for some reason. I just couldn't stop he looked up at me and tried to comfort me but weirdly I just couldn't stop crying. I wasn't crying for myself but for him. I never really cry the only times I really cried was when my mom left and once when my parents were fighting and today. Of course I cried when I was a baby but that was the first real cry I had in about 9 years.
"Hey it's ok everything's ok." Ashtray told me as I tried to stop crying I didn't respond to him. He just walked away for a second. He came back with a blunt from fez and lighter. I finally stopped crying. He lit the blunt and after he inhaled it passed it to me. I hit it fez always has the best weed. I did a ghost and he asked me to teach him.
" yo star can you teach me how to do that?"He asked me
" oh yeah basically you just hit it and you let it flow out a little then you inhale it back in. I explained it and demonstrated it. After a while of us smoking and me teaching him how to ghost and French inhale. We both feel asleep high and We finally woke up at 9pm and we just smoked again and went to sleep.

ok so idk I kinda wanted ash to show some emotion idk and be vulnerable for a little bit.