Are you falling in love?

New years

TW: sh, drugs and violence

                           A month later
I was having a hard couple of weeks. First since the whole incident me and ashtray haven't talked My dads in jail for a month due to him not going to see his parole officer I visit every 2 week or whenever I can. My dad being gone has token it toll on me mentally, I relapsed with my self harm. No one knows not even rue but I'm terrified someone will find out. Speaking off rue I've been with her and Eliot a lot doing drugs mainly I have alot of fun with them. I guess rue didn't know Gia was with him I forgave her and now we're close again.

I called maddy to try and rant about everything.
" Maddy guess what come over rn please I need you." I practically begged her to come over
" duh bitch I'm omw." She responded
In like 5 minutes maddy ran over to my house. I told her everything about ashtray about rue and just my feelings. She gave me a hug and then gave me her look. Her look is when she has an idea she knows I'll be not ok with.
" There is a New Years party tn your single im single fuck Nate and fuck that 12 year old drug dealer." She said as we both laughed
" ok fine if you will do my makeup and help me get ready." I asked
"Duh now you need to shower." She said laughing at me
"ugh fine."I said as I gave her my vape and my pen
" aww thanks starrr." She said as she hit my pen

5 hours later
I was finally ready and here's my outfit and makeup

Not the glasses or the hair clips lmaoo 😭😭

Here's my makeup

Tn my plan was to get blacked out I wasn't with ash so I didn't care what about absolutely anything. When we got there we all split up I went to see Roy and to do  shots.
" hey Royyy" I said smiling at him
" Heyy star I missed you" he said pulling me into a hug. He passed me the blunt he was smoking and we walked to get drinks. I grabbed the patron and poured two shots. I handed one to Roy and we both took them. 2 more shots later we decided to go find ashtray so Roy could buy some molly.
" hey star." Ashtray said I just ignored him and walked back to Roy. I guess Gia was talking too Troy and I heard they made out infront of ashtray. Ash broke up with her. After Roy bought the molly we took it and we were having a good time until Troy ran in telling him that ashtray was trying to fight him.
" Roy Gia and me were making out right then all of a sudden her bf came out and he broke up with her and he's looking for me we gotta go like now." Troy told Roy as they both got up to leave.
" I'm sorry star." He said
" nah it's ok dw text me." I said as I gave him a kiss goodbye. I walked out of the room and seen ashtray.
" oh hi." I said awkwardly hoping he didn't see Roy and Troy run out the room after I left.
" what we're you doing in there?" He asked giving me a dirty look.
" me and Roy were just chilling and Troy told him they had to go." I said hoping he wouldn't know I was high.
" oh umm ok wanna go chill with me and fez?" He asked
" nah I'm gonna go get a drink but I will after." I said hoping he would never talk to me again. I was mad at him I didn't even wanna see him much less go hangout with them. Ashtray didn't leave tho he just walked with me to get a drink and every where after that. I poured me a shot and him one. Both were my favourite patron.
" I like Don Julio more." He said as we both took the shot. I went and found some Don Julio and poured us a shot of it. We both took them and then two shots turned into 3 then 4 then 5 then he made me quit drinking. He didn't drink before but me I was high and drunk and I wanted to go find Eliot I knew he'd have some good drugs so without a word I just ran away from him. I looked like a toddler running away from their parent but I didn't care I ran straight to the laundry room where rue and Eliot were doing lines.  I sat down next to Eliot and put my head on his shoulder as i tried to sober up. He passed me the dollar they were using and I got up and did a line then passed it to rue we did a couple more then rue started to od I was panicking. I started to almost cry and Eliot told me to go and calm myself down since rue never did that infront of me. I ran out the room and just my luck ashtray was there.
" why did you run away?" He asked looking mad
"I had to umm pee I still have to brb." I said as I stumbled away
"No cmon let's go." He said as he pulled me to where fez was.
" yo star what are you doing man?" Fez asked as he looked high out of his mind. Ashtray went outside to sell and I stood with fez.
" what did you take star?" He asked
"Idk I drank a little and I did molly then me and rue and Eliot did lines." I said oversharing
" you need to calm down star I'm fr." He said shaking his head
"You know fez when I was 15 I did pills for the first time. It was the best feeling ever they were my dads he was selling them I took a couple without him noticing they made the world quiet and life seemed so much better high I never wanted to go back so I didn't and I never will. It might kill me might not who knows but what I know is I'm happy when high I'm never happy unless I'm high or drunk. I lied I was happy with ashtray but that's all and I'd rather do drugs then be unhappy." I said I just was quiet after that
" star im too high for this rn." He said
" me too you still gonna be my dealer." I asked
" idk yeah man." He said laughing
Lexi walked up to us and I moved out of her way. I always wanted them to get together so I ran off to leave them alone.
" fez she's running away." Lexi told him
" oh Ik ashtray will get her." He said laughing

I ran to the bathroom I couldn't walk and my breathing felt weird. I never felt like this before and honestly it was scaring me. I just sat there til ashtray opened the door and seen me on the  floor.
" star really." He said he knew what was going on. He picked me up and helped me get into the car. I sat down and he sat next to me in the back seat.
" what did you take?" He asked looking mad at me
"Idk ash." I said
" I don't want you doing drugs anymore." He said
I didn't really rember much of this next thing I knew I passed out. I woke up at ashtrays house in his room confused. He walked in gave me a water and sat down next to me.
" Lexi came changed your clothes." He said
Suddenly I realised I was wearing a short sleeved shirt Shit....