you will not remain.

first entry

Aug 23 6pm-2014

Hi, I've never really owned a diary before, but I found this journal under my bed a few weeks ago cleaning my room, so I put it aside.

It came from my grandparents a few years ago, I'd never had the need to use it until now.

If I don't get this out I will physically implode.. as so I feel.

Anyway, I started my day as everyday this morning, waking up in my cold, hard mattress.

I felt this hot stare, burning onto the back of my neck coming from my mattress, like someone was laying in the bed with me.

I thought I could just still be half asleep, so I rubbed my eyes, same thing.

As any normal human instinct, I look behind me. Nothing.

I check the time on my clock, 5:23am, so I thought i'd just brush it off and get a few hours of sleep before school, maybe the feeling will go away?

-

I felt sick to my stomach that I thought the feeling would go away, it's the same thing, like a repeat.

This time I felt his breath, I heard a quiet chuckle, each breath coming from his small laughs spread on my neck.

I started to get freaked out, frozen.

The laughs started to get louder and louder, each one made the my heart go faster and faster.

Then it stopped.

I got up and went over to my door not looking back. my door was closed, I never leave my door closed.

As I stood up, I felt dizzy, am I dying? My vision was completely blank, i've took all the low iron pills there is in the local pharmacist.

Multiple overdoses.

I go downstairs to check to see my mom.
I look around, she's not there, I forgot she had a long night shift, she's comes back at about 8.

I squint over to the lounge room clock, my visions still blurry.

it's 5:41pm.

it's been 18 minutes. It's felt like hours, days. I don't know anymore.

I don't know the point of time, does it even matter? Do we even matter? Us humans?

I save all those pointless questions for later and get my shit together for school.

I sprint over to my bathroom, each foot touches the cold teal tiles for the first time in a while, I haven't gone to the bathroom for days.
I brush my off-white teeth.

I think about every question I have that no one could even possibly answer, isn't that waste? Hah.

I look in the mirror for too long, and start seeing things and distorting myself, I have what, three eyes now? no eyes? no ears?

I shutter my head and look back, normal again, or.. myself.

I pull the toothbrush out of my mouth and put it on the side of the stained sink.

I hear mom come through the door, that always means I'm supposed to be at school, what time is it? 8:30, how long was I in there?

I get my earphones out and put on a warm grey jacket over my thin arms.

I brush my brunette hair out of my face and pull out my whispy bangs.

I run past mom, not making eye contact at all, like every day, every month and every year.