you will not remain.

cousins house.

Aug 26 11pm-2014

Hi again. It's been a few days since my last entry, just so you know, it hasn't stopped AT ALL. It's the same thing, will it go on forever? I hope not, but what can I do? Nothing.

I'm sitting in my room, my head pounding from how silent it is. I'm looking at my bowl of heated up noodles from the gas station, wondering if I should eat it or not. This is how it goes every weekend to be honest.

I look over to my clock, 11:27. This is about the time I go to my cousins house. I take the sign and get up.

I walk down my stairs to see if my mom was there, she was walking out the door, ignoring my presence as always.

We both get in the car, the unused smell of the car gushing at us.

I sit in the back seat, not because mom doesn't want me next to her, I mean, she probably doesn't, But I like the feeling of being behind, left behind. While both of my parents talk about their next date, and happily talk amongst the full, happy family.

After about 20 minutes we get there. I haven't seen them since my dad left. About, 2 years? 3? I've stopped counting after he stopped calling.

I get out of the car, a big shiny 12 comes at my face. The door opens before I can even step on the welcome mat. I look over to see mom in the car resting. Why is she doing that?

Me and my cousins greet each other. We don't talk, just nod and let's me in. My cousins were always great comfort while my parents were fighting. Except Jarra, he didn't like me, he always was scared of me, or followed me. He's been a jittery kid his whole life, I think he has the same problems as me, who knows why.

I see my aunt cooking in the kitchen, she smiles. I nod back. I sit down in the warm living room, with a crisp fire going. I snuggle down in their couch, making myself comfortable. I see Jarra come out the left hallway, he looks surprised we're here, like every time.

He walks along the floor boards making a creak step, and comes over next to me.

He stares at me, I stare back, confused. Staring contest? His right eye twitches. I gulp. I look away and stare at something else to avoid eye contact, magazine? leg of the table? I switch between the two, hoping he would leave me alone, nothing.

Meanwhile mom was having a lie down in the guest bedroom, my aunt always lets her do that, she knows how stressful her life is going through, she also knows how mine is, but whatever.

I forget about the situation I'm in and turn my head, he left, oh well. I look over at the dinner table, everyone's sitting down and waiting for me, how long was I sitting here?

I stand up and walk over to the table, I sit next to my favourite cousin, Kya, Shes the same age as me, she's awesome. "Hi Sayna," She says, smiling. I say hi back grinning, this is the highlight of my week, every week. I love being away from home, being adventurous, but I'm stuck here in this shithole town, I don't even know where I am anymore.

I look down at my plate, beans, broccoli and chicken. I don't think I can eat it. I haven't eaten in ages, or have I? I don't know, I don't keep track of it, anything in fact.

I feel a tingle rush down my spine, was it just a shake, or was someone touching me? I don't look, I don't care. I feel that same feeling every few seconds, It's quite nice.

After about 5 minutes of eating in silence, Jarra breaks it. "I get it too." He says, gulping his chewed up food, looking at me. Everyone turns to me, as if they know what's happening to me.

I look surprised, is this feeling mutual?

"What?" My aunt says, confused. Glancing back and fourth to me and Jarra.

I feel the touch again and shake. "Yeah, that." He says, I bite my lip, trying to hide any words that have to come out.

"What's going on?" My mom says, the first time she's talked in ages. She looked concerned.

"That feeling when you feel a presence, feel a touch from someone you can't see, like someone's burning their eyes in the back?" He says with a straight face. "That."

I look down at my plate again, trying to get this conversation out of my head, who the fuck is he thinking he's going through what I'm going through, he doesn't know a thing.

"Sayna?" Kya says looking down at me.

I look up, ignoring what Jarra just said. No one says anything, mom just continues eating, so does my aunt, Jarra stops as well.

After about an hour we go home. It wasn't my favourite encounter with the family, but it could've been worse, you know?

I open our front door as a relief, for the first time in ages. I run up to my room and close the door, for some silence, more silence, I am silence it's self.

I check my clock, 8:47pm, wow. I decide just to sleep until tomorrow, shorter day the better, always.

I wake up at about 10pm, stiff, I physically cannot move. My room is dark and gloomy, so silent I can hear my own heart pumping blood, I can move my eyes around, I decide not to panic, no use to that anymore. I look to my door, wide open. I swear I closed it, didn't I write it down? Whatever.

A black faded figure comes out of the door way, is this sleep paralysis? He comes closer, and closer. He touches my neck, I can't do anything.

The touch felt the same as the day I was walking home, when something or someone was touching me, It made me feel comfort for some reason, was I having sleep paralysis this whole time, but awake? is this a dream? I think to pinch, but I forgot I can't move, bullshit.

His eyes stare at me, burn at my face this time, it felt, calming. I wanted to talk to him, ask him how his day was, is this how desperate I am for a social life? Am I that lonely?

If felt like he was the only one who cared about me, followed me around just to make sure I'm okay. He probably doesn't feel the same way, what? Is this what I'm saying? ITS A DEMON.
I hate this. I hate myself and everything about my pathetic fucking life, am I wasting it on talking about this stupid fucking demon who's making me comfortable?

His eyes aren't glowing anymore, they're more human like, They squint, like he's smiling at me. I smile back. I get a tingle in my back, but it's different, like a happiness of some sort. The demon walks backwards back into the darkness of tonight. I try and move to follow after him, start a life with him. But I'm still asleep.

I wake up, the door closed, everything back to normal. It's upsetting. I check my time, 11pm oh. I think of him, the whole night, until it hits
7am.

-Sayna.