What could have been.

Unspoken Truths (prologue)

Ennis never stopped dreaming of Jack. Not daydreams, he thought of Alma Jr. and Jenny when he was working. He thought of old conversations. He thought of his brother. But when his head hit the flat feather pillow and his eyes flew closed for the night there was one thing he saw. Jack.

Jack was the stars and the sun and the moon. Jack's voice echoed through the trees. When leaves cruched beneath Ennis's feet it was Jack's boots doing the crunching. The water trickling by was Jack.

Whenever the rodeo came by Ennis went and watched all the Cowboys struggle to stay on their Bulls. He knew, he knew that he would never find Jack again. Jack was as intoxicating as oxygen. He was something you thought you could never live without knowing that he was somewhere. Maybe taking a shower, maybe reading a book.

The comfort of his existence had gotten Ennis through so much. Sometimes he resented Jack. Sometimes he loved him. Sometimes he wished he could see his smile again. But most of all he missed him. The fact that Jack was no longer within reach was the biggest blow of all. Ennis never told Jack he loved him. Three simple words left unsaid. It had been a thought in the back of his mind since the summer of 1963. He had been in love with Jack for as long as he could remember. But he never said it. It was too risky. Surely Jack had already know, why else would he do so much for him?

It was the unspoken truth between them. That they would do anything and everything to keep the other safe. No matter how rocky or tumultuous things became they always knew that they were solid. They knew that they would have eachother. They knew that in a few months they'd be back at Brokeback laughing again because they needed eachother more than anything. Nothing fathomable could break them apart. So much of their love kept secret.

Then it happened. Who knew a word could be so unkind. Eight letters. Big Bold Red Ugly Horrible Letters. When Ennis saw deceased stamped lazily across his letter he felt like he sank out of his body. His soul slipped out of his feet and into the earth below him instantly. He couldn't breathe, his mouth went dry. It had to be a damn joke. Jack Twist was lively. He was youthful and kind. He wasn't the type of guy to die so young. He couldn't be gone. He wasn't gone.

But he had to. Calling Lureen Twist was one of the most memorable moments of Ennis Del Mar's life. The woman probably had some suspicion, she wasn't dumb. Neither was Ennis. Her 'story' of Jack's passing was less than believable to Ennis. He imagined Jack's real death a lot more vividly.

Nothing would change the fact that Jack was gone. But so many regrets ate up at Ennis. He wasn't a regretful man, but how he wished he could hold him again. Tell him everything would be okay. He wished he could tell himself that more than anything. Life without Jack was a life he should be used to, but it was so much harder than all the previous gaps in their meetings.

Now there was finality. There was no next November. There was no date in the future to hold out to. Jack was gone. Gone forever. Ennis would never see Jack again.

Unless the gods decided that their story wasn't over.