The Call of The Sea

Emilie: 23rd May

You never know when your life is about to change. Little changes happen all the way through your life, and some pass you by, but one day, a change with come that will be so colossal that it will turn your world upside down.

In my case, I am still waiting for this philosophy of mine to enact itself. That is why I have chosen to start a diary; so I can record each and every minute of it.

For the most part of my youth, life has been, in a word, boring. I have spent most of my younger years living in Devon with my aunt. It was here that I developed my passion for the sea. One day I will conquer the seven seas.

My aunt and two cousins never have really adhered to my presence. Quite frankly, I believe Aunt Delilah thinks I am a great inconvenience and a gross infraction on the level of familial favours that she was prepared to perform.

My cousins Sophie and Evangeline believe I am simply there to perturb their own existence and I have never received any sisterly love from either of them.

At this point I imagine you are picturing the poor orphan child that was left all alone to fend for herself in her evil aunt's house. In truth, I feel like an outsider in their family, but I see that that is because I always thought I was an outsider, not because they forced me out.

And generally, we do get on reasonably well. Also, I am not an orphan. Father lives in London and has done since his youth. I lived there for a short while myself.

I was sent to Devon shortly after my second birthday. Mother caught a particularly nasty strain of flu and became bed-bound. I was never told what happened to her exactly, but I presume she died. Father, consumed by grief, sent me away as I reminded him of her too much.

Aunt Delilah had just had two twin girls of her own and was open to the idea of supporting another child for her dearly departed sister's husband for a few years until he could recover enough to have her returned to him. Her own husband died whilst fighting in the navy, so she wished for the extra company with her new children. The plan was that I would stay with her and help her through her grief until Father recovered from his own.

Except he didn't. He never recovered. As the years came and went, it became increasingly obvious to me that Father did not care what became of me.

For a few years this realisation manifested into resentment for him, but soon I convinced myself that he did care, and wanted to preserve me in the country lifestyle for as long as possible until I would inevitably marry. The white lie helped me sleep at night and hurt no one, so I cherished it.

Truthfully, I love the countryside and I love my home, but I always feel as if I don't fit in. There is more to the world than the rolling hills and seaside beaches, I just know.

If only Father could see me here, he would know how restless I am, and we would go off and travel the world together. I dreamed about it countless times as a child, so therefore it was bound to happen I was sure.

But the months of waiting turned into years and soon I admitted that I would not see the world before I was married. Aunt Delilah would not permit the expenditure of a Grand Tour for my cousins and I, so none of us got to see Europe. Instead we ploughed into the preparations that would make us eligible marriage material.

My only escape is my books. I loved to read; it is the way I can travel the world and have adventures all from the safety of my bedroom. The hero always sweeps the girl off her feet and rides off with her into the sunset in a novel. It is always my favourite part. That's what I always wanted for in life.

Tonight, before my eighteenth birthday tomorrow, I took a walk out into the night air. The sky was a velvet blanket of blue with silver pin pricks of stars and there was clearly magic in the air.

I walked through the fields to the nearby cove and climbed down to the pebbled beach. The stones were slippery, so I had to take my delicate pumps off to cross them. My feet wrapped around the cold surface of the rocks and the sensation made me smile.

When I reached the water's edge, I dipped my toes into the shallows, assessing the temperature before taking a deep breath and jumping in.

Aunt Delilah will reprimand me for ruining a perfectly good gown and "almost catching your death of cold" no doubt as she always does, but I didn't care. I wanted to feel some freedom and this night seemed to be the only opportunity I would get.

Lying back in the water and letting the waves engulf me, I stared into the sky, tracing all the patterns with my fingers. Suddenly, a sharp movement caught my attention. Shooting across the night sky, a bright beam of white heralded a falling star.

Quickly closing my eyes and crossing my fingers as I had always been told you must do when you make a wish, I spoke out into the empty night air:

"I wish to be free. I want to love a man who will take me on adventures. I want to see the world. Please, hear my wish, anyone who is listening."

Obviously, nothing happened, but somehow, I feel lighter in my chest because I have said it. My heart's desire. I have said it just the once before my fate is sealed.