My Life Right Now.

Confession.

Due to me being a violinist/fiddle player I have recently found out it is very hard to think of this phrase like what normal (and I mean not normal but what all humans may have done at least once in their life) people would think.

'I fiddled with my fingers and thumbs, trying to make up my mind.'

'Ya no. It's kinda hard to 'fiddle' with your fingers and thumbs when you don't have a violin in hand.' ~The Thoughts Of My Brain (A.K.A. a dramatic series of dumb accusations and describing what stupid things happen around me).

Am I insane or what?

Eh, whatever.

But one a TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOTE.

Who wants me to put a book of inspirational quotes I find up? 🙌✋ anyone? Takers?

😂 I find random things all over the place.

And then I'll forget who they were by and what the full thing was.....

Like, for instance:

"One of the main reasons we don't like certain people, is because we don't like something about ourselves."

And:

"When at first sight, the eye doesn't see what's inside, or what cannot be seen, it only sees the outside." or something like that. Haha

And that's random........ ANOTHER CONFESSION:

P.s./WARNING: Before you read on this is slightly depressing.

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I've been feeling really lonely lately, and it's not because my friends on Wattpad aren't enough, but it's because my friends outside of my life on here aren't really acting as friends, and if they are, then they're too busy to hang out with me.

For instance: Two of my best friends are always busy, but now one goes to another church, and I miss her, but still see her on Wednesdays every once in a while (Hey girl. (I'm talking to her) you know who you are NC) . And the other is like SUPERMAN busy (Barbie is her nickname). If you don't get that, Superman is always saving lives and doing fun and heroic things. Or another version: Everything I can't right now.

And those two relationships I've poured into. And all my other friends don't know me for who I am inside. The only thing they know is I'm shy and awkward and I'm very talkative about basically crap that means nothing when I'm tired. I don't tell them my problems because they have enough on their plate. I am that one person who always tries to be the one to help you through vulnerability. I am not one to get vulnerable unless I am very close to you.

And yes, I have God. But I don't have anyone to help me get closer to him. My family is AMAZING don't get me wrong. But I need a friend and no one here cares really, except for those two girls.

The guy I have a crush on practically ignored me today and I thought we were friends. I talked to him, and as soon as my name was called he was gone (the stupid thing is the reason I was called was to pick up a stupid toy from the ground and that was it). And he didn't look at me and he didn't say anything to me after that. Nothing. For some reason I'm relating him to one of those annoying owl things they have in garages to keep the rats out. You see them and for a second think they're real, but they're emotionless, and dull. Unlike the real animal that is as scary as the freaking Grim Reaper.

Yeah, the dude I like is getting on my nerves today as you can tell.... Actually, when is he not on my nerves? I'm starting to hate having a crush. And you'd think after 3 years it would be easy. But it gets harder when you're trying to be friends with them.

And yeah, I trust the internet that doesn't have but four of my friends in it. It's not like you really know who I am. You've never seen me before. And I bet you would think I'm crazy.

Anyways, I'm beginning to over-rant.

Thank you to those who read and support me. You guys are my friends and I don't take you for granted. I don't take the very minimal relationships with my friends out here either.

I love you all.

~Maegan. 4/13/15