My Life Right Now.

Recently...

Recently I went to camp, and I learned that feeling alone--when you believe in God--isn't always a bad thing...... Maybe you feel alone because no one else your age is talking to you much.... But I had two leaders who told me about their pasts. Both of them had experienced depression and anxiety, one of them more than the other. I'll just initialize them differently so you might understand who was who ;)

S.S. suffered from anxiety because she had no friends for a long time and her mom worked four or more jobs to pay for her college (her mom was 18 when she had S.S (soon to be S.L.).) and for her daughters school. She didn't have anyone to confide in or to talk to in general, because all she had was her mom, and her mom came home around midnight and wouldn't feel up to talking. Her not talking to someone caused her to build up so many walls that she had anxiety attacks regularly, and she was depressed. To this day, she still battles with anxiety, but that doesn't mean she isn't changed forever in her life with God. Anxiety doesn't go away in the snap of your fingers if you've had it since you were so young. But she blessed me in the knowledge that we all have to forgive those who have hurt us without really knowing. Her mom hurt her because she didn't really have time, and it was because she was working for the benefit of both of them. Forgiving takes hard work...
I've found the person I need to forgive most is myself..... I tend to not trust even myself. I trust more in others knowledge before my own. That can be good or bad.

Then there is the other darling, and beautiful leader of mine.

S.E. Suffered from anxiety and depression due to people making fun of her when she grew up. S.E. has CP being Cerebral-palsy:
an abnormality of motor function (the ability to move and control movements) that is acquired at an early age, usually less than 1 year, and is due to a brain lesion that is non-progressive.
When her parents were told of their daughter having CP the doctor told them to have an abortion, because it would be less pain for the child to grow up in. They gladly didn't believe in abortion (gladly because I wouldn't have my amazing life-group leader without this decision. and I say this because I don't believe in abortion either) and kept their baby.
When she was born they believed, from many other causes of this, that she would be forever blind, and would never walk.
She is not blind, and she can walk, and yes, it may seem 'funny' at times, but only because she's not afraid to laugh at herself and make jokes.
She got made fun of and for years in her life she wondered why God made her like that. She wondered why she couldn't be 'normal'.
She dealt with depression and anxiety because of all that time, feeling like she was worthless, and the bad kind of different or special.
She got out of those feelings through poems. She was at one point in her life, deciding to kill herself, but she didn't. God showed her life in the darkness that can only be found through Him.

She taught me how strong we can all be, even when we can't see it. I mean, for CRYING OUT LOUD! She was supposed to be BLIND, and she wasn't supposed to walk, but she sees and walks!

She also taught me, that being different from everyone else isn't bad. It just means you're different. Different isn't a bad word..... I consider myself lucky to be called different than everyone else. I don't cuss, like the kids do in my grade, and that makes me quite different, and I am proud of myself for not falling into that. I already feel guilty of some of my past, and I shouldn't make that worse by adding words I don't ever want to say to anyone or about anything.

So I had a great time at camp, and I was blessed to be where I was that week.

This coming week (2 days) I will be gone to New Orleans, Louisiana, on a missions trip. I will be sharing Gods love to the homeless, people who need help fixing their charter school, and a kids club. I am nervous, because that first time without your family for a week is a little nerve wrecking right? And I'm excited to do what God has in store for me, and be who He calls me to be!

I pray that y'all would have a blessed week!

--and that was said before I went to Nola, and I will say stuff about Nola.