Safe in the Black Sand

11

"The txipirones are excellent!" Dad says after a bite of blackened rice.

            Ms. Jakintsu smiles graciously. "This is recipe of my father."

            The cat rubs up against my legs under the table.

"Katu, come here," the old woman says.

            The cat ogles me under Ms. Jakintsu's gentle caress.

            "That was Mom," I tell the room, pocketing my phone. "Angelica...she's in a coma."

            Dad isn't the least bit surprised. "That's what Ms. Jakintsu was trying to tell us before you went on a tirade," he says. "Angelica's already gone to another place, a safe place where she can wait. Weren't you listening?"

            Dad is making things up, filling in gaps, drawing conclusions, grasping at straws.

            "Come on, Dad," I say. "It's time for us to go home."

            Ms. Jakintsu turns to him. "Kyle, you never tell Jax about when you first know Angelica?"

            Dad smiles. "No, I don't think so."

I hate that they share memories.

"You mean when Josh came out?" I ask. 

"No, before that," the old woman says, adjusting her kerchief. "Tell him, Kyle. Is nice, this story."  

            "It was Halloween," Dad starts before I can stop him. "Jax, you were nine or ten. It was just after you'd fallen in the bathroom." 

            I glance again at the jar of black sand. He remembers the fall. Does he remember the beach—and was it a real place, some place outside my mind?  

            Dad goes on, "You and Angelica went trick-or-treating as Stephen King characters that year. You were dressed as that ridiculous clown. What's his name? The one Tim Curry played."

"Pennywise, from It."

"That's right. And Josh—Angelica—was dressed as Carrie on prom night." I look at Ms. Jakintsu, who nods along knowingly as she pets her fat orange cat. Dad says, "Before we went out for candy, Josh gave me a really big hug. And you know I'm not—I don't usually hug. There was just something about Josh that night, so comfortable with herself in that costume, so happy to be going out in disguise. It felt like, well, it felt special. I can't say it was the moment I realized I had a daughter. I never had a moment like that per se. It just felt very special, like I was seeing Josh in a way I hadn't ever seen her before, more candid, more herself. Anyway, that Halloween hug is a memory I am proud to say I have never misplaced in my very messy brain."

            I think back to how I tried to talk Josh out of telling Dad. He's too fragile, I'd said, too unstable, unpredictable. But those adjectives were all for me.   

            I give Dad a little smile. "You've always been astute." 

            "Perhaps," Dad says. "But I don't presume to know what's real. No one else presumes I do either."   

            I say, "Well, you were right about Angelica, and about Ms. Jakintsu. Here she is, flesh and bones."

            The old woman casts her wide dark eyes upon me. "You think I have bones?"

            My neck tingles as I jolt upright. "You...don't?" 

            She covers her mouth to cackle. "Joke, my dear! You have too much stress."