Obsession

Eight

"Dr. Bailey I don't understand. Are you trying to tell me there's something wrong with my son?" I stood next to my mom in an all white room looking at my 7 year old self through a two-way mirror. I remember this day perfectly. It was the day that changed everything.

Dr. Bailey lets out a low sigh and turns to my mother and says, "It's too soon to tell. We'll have to run a few more test and monitor his behavior periodically. How does he behave at home?"

I walked out of the room, and over to the other side where me, and four other little boys were. We were all the same age, but I was shorter and smaller than all of them. I looked normal, I felt normal, so why was I treated so differently. Slowly I reached my hand out to touch my younger self, when I felt a hand softly stroking my cheek.

My eyes closed, and when they opened again, I was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to numerous machines. Leah sat to the right of me, while my mother sat at the foot of my bed watching something on t.v. Can't say that I'm surprised my dad isn't here. Maybe I'm too hard on my mom sometimes, she's the only person in this world that seems to give a damn about me. I wonder if she would still love me the same if she knew I was a killer?

Weakly, I called out to her, "...Mom..." her head turned in my direction and I saw the biggest smile spread across her lips. She looked how I felt. At the same time, her and Leah wrapped their arms around me and buried their faces in the crook of my neck. Light sniffles soon invaded my eardrums. It hurt like hell to have them squeezing me so tight but I kept quiet until it became unbearable.

"We're sorry baby." My mom chuckled lightly. She brushed a few stray tears from her cheeks before standing to her feet. "I'm going to get the doctor. Leah keep an eye on my baby."

"Since when are you and my mom friends?"

Leah shrugs avoiding eye contact with me. I could tell by her body language something was wrong. Did they find Jayson's body already? I thought for sure it would have at least taken a few weeks, maybe a few months. At least by then I would have my story ready. "What's wrong Leah?"

She looks at me with tears building in her eyes and says, "I was so scared Chris--when your mom told me they found your body I--I thought you were dead." She confessed. Death is what I felt like although I refuse to show it but seeing Leah's face and hearing the amount of concern in her voice somewhat makes the pain subside. I wonder how she would feel if she knew I killed her ex-boyfriend. "What happened Chris? Who did this to you?"

I froze for a second, hearing Jayson's pleading screams in my head, "I rather not talk about it." The doctor and my mom walked into the room after that and I was once again asked what happened? In all honesty it's one big blur to me, that's usually what happens when I'm having an episode.

---

"The least you could have done was called to make sure he was ok! He's your son for christ sakes!" Mom shouted which surprised me. I don't think I've ever heard her voice go any higher than it's usual soft mousy pitch. It's about damn time she stopped acting spineless. I could hear dad let out a cynical chuckle before he said, "Are you sure about that last part because none of the other men in my family including myself have the crazy syndrome. Must have been something he picked up from that batty ass mother of yours." He laughed again but this time it was followed by a loud smack.

"My mother isn't crazy and neither is my son! I am so sick and tired you berating h--" The sound of my mom's scream and the dresser hitting the wall jolted me from the lying position I was in. I just know this nigga wasn't stupid enough to put his hands on my momma. "Bitch if ever put your gotdamn hands on me again..." Mom looked up at his muscular frame with her hand pressed against her cheek trembling. I knew that look in her eyes all too well and it was enough to set me off. Everything the doctor had instructed me to do while I was recovering went out the window the moment my mom looked at me. Silently she was pleading for me not to do anything but I couldn't let this shit slide.

"What the hell you doing in here pussy? You came to get your ass beat again?"

I balled my hand into a tight fist and before I knew it we were fighting like two grown ass men. He had the upper hand until he tripped over a bottle that had fallen from the dresser. I took that to my advantage to deliever blow after blow to his swelling face. My mom was begging and pleading for me to stop but I couldn't. I thought about all those times he mocked me, the times he embarrassed me in public, and the time he called me a mental case. If I truly was insane it was because of him! "Christopher stop! You're going to kill him!" If that happens so be it.

"Stop!" I felt a stinging sensation on the right side of my cheek ceasing my movement. Did she really just put her hands on me? Does she not know how easily I could snap her fucking neck. That same wave of fear flashed in her eyes when she noticed the menacing expression undoubtedly etched on my face. I stood from the crouching position I was in and towered over her shaking frame. "This is the thanks I get for defending you, mom. Huh!"

"Baby you're bleeding."

"Fuck that!" She jumped back onto the wall crying her eyes out. And for the first time I can honestly say my mom was terrified of me. But did I care? Not at this moment I didn't. I wanted to ring her fucking neck for putting her hands on me. "I hope that muthafucker is dead."

---

"Damn Chris the fuck happened to you?" Josh asked shocked by my appearance. After the incident with my dad I had to leave. I didn't bother trying to fix myself up or to stick around to see if I had actually killed him. More than likely the nigga was just unconscious. "I thought you were in the hospital?"

I walked into his living room and plopped down on the sofa, "I was...I was discharged a few days ago."

"So why you out here looking like the walking dead my nigga. Those bruises look new."

"They are...I got into a fight with my pops."

"You playing right?"

"Nah." It grew silent between us after that. There is no way I will be able to live under the same roof as that man any longer. Who's to say the next physical altercation we have doesn't lead to his death? Had my mom not been there this time he would have met the same fate as Jayson. I'm tired of people pushing me there and expecting me to just let it go. Every action has a reaction. And in my case my reactions are elevated times 10. The vibration of my phone from inside my pocket broke me from my thoughts. Should have known she would tell Leah to call me. "Baby where are you?"

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Why does it matter?"

She sighs heavily into the phone. I didn't want her to think I was mad at her it was the situation getting the best of me, "Because I'm worried-- the last time you left you were-"

"Look I'm sorry ok, stop crying."

"Well can you at least go home or come over to my house? It'll make me feel better."

Dammit the last thing I wanted to do was go back home today, "what about your parents?"

"They're in Washington for the next 4 days."

I paused weighing out my options. Seeing her face would help with the tension I'm feeling right now. Josh waved a blunt around in the air distracting me and I smiled knowing I was about to get high off my ass and spend a few days alone with my baby. I guess I need to start cherishing that shit because I have a feeling something big is about to come our way.