#54 And Me

New Day, Gloomy Beginnings

Finally, I'm home, and no one is awake. I rush upstairs to shower, I feel like showering is the only way I can decompress after the emotional day I've had. I close my door behind me, quickly going through my dresser to find the most comfortable clothes I can, and heading straight into my bathroom.

I am so frustrated that I feel like I'm ripping my clothes off my body. I murmur to myself all the things I want to say to Kyler in my rage.

I step into the shower and turn on the water. It's cold at first, but as soon as it gets warm and steamy, my tears flow. Thankful my parent's room is at the other end of the hallway, because I am sobbing as the water beats down my body. My mind reliving this morning as I start to wash my hair.

My tears finally stop flowing as I finish my shower, but my breathing is a wreck. I dry my body, wrapping the towel around me, and start heading to the sink. I hear my phone ding twice but I don't go check it.

I brush my teeth, clean the steam off my mirror so I can do my skin care. I just stare at myself, my light brown hair a sloppy mess, my blue eyes are slightly blood shot, and my lip quivering. It's sad I look better than I feel, even in this state.

Finishing my skin care, I brush my hair, and start to get dressed. Looking at the mirror on the back of the door, I find myself looking at my naked body. I'm skinny for my size, but I'm not toned like Emma is. I have a little giggle to my arms and thighs, it's never bothered me before. Why all of a sudden I wish my body was tighter and toner, I've always thought I looked good. The answer is simple -Kyler.

Kyler has always dated the athletic girls, the blonde pretty, volleyball type girls. I wasn't good at any sports- trust me I tried, but at the end of the day I rather read a book than run.

Books brought me a sense of joy, and also helped me deal with my mom always on business trips. My mom would always buy me a new book before she left town, so we had something to talk about when she called. My collection hasn't grown much this year, and a huge part of me is thankful.

Sighing a little too loudly, reluctantly I finish dressing, turning the bathroom light off, and heading off to bed. What a freaking day, sleep will do me good.

I put my phone on the charger, making sure I set my alarm clock. I remember my phone going off, so I decide to check it, and boy, did I not expect that. One text is from Adam, telling what a wonderful time he had on our date. That made me smile a little, he's actually not bad. Adam has hard brown hair, brown eyes, and he's super tall. He may not have a six pack anymore, but he's still pretty fit, and good looking. I've only ever seen him as my boss and before that he was the football star of the town. Maybe I should give this an actual try. Is it going to be weird since he is still my boss until I leave for college?

The other text is from Kyler. He said," We have a tradition, we always go to the first day of school together. So I don't care where we stand at, I will be there at 7:30am to get you. Be ready, sweet dreams, MY crazy girl." "MY crazy girl," rings in my head. I'm not his, and he made that clear. I hope we can fix our friendship but we can't be more, not after today.

Ugh, I leave them both on read. I honestly can't tonight. Kyler will be here in the morning, and I know I can't really say anything or my parents will know something happened. How am I suppose to act like everything is fine after me losing my virginity to him? Im an idiot.

As always my subconscious self laughs loudly, now you done it this time.

As I go to pull my covers down to climb into bed, something red is on my bed, it's folded up. I go to reach for it, not knowing what it exactly is, it's hard to see with only the moon light shining through my window. Unfolding it, I see the back side of it, SPENCER #54, the jersey I wore this morning is now laying on my bed. My eyes hurt too badly to even try and cry again. I chuck it to the floor, climb into bed, and I cover my head. I can't even explain the pain in my chest right now, all I know is sleep will do me good, I hope.