Until The Next Time -R //JEGULUS

The final letter

                 5th September 1979

My Dearest James,

Okay, this one I will send to you. I've tried writing this 3 times already and haven't been able to finish it without hating everything I have written so hopefully this one turns out okay.

I'd like to start by saying that I am sorry. I am sorry for hurting you in the past and I am sorry you must read this now. I had hoped you would have forgotten about me by now so that this would not be necessary but I believe you have not so to not send it would be the worse evil.

James, I need you to understand that if you are reading this now, I am already gone. You cannot come and find a way to save me, it isn't possible, it's too late. I have told Kreature that in the event of my death he is to send out this letter to you and do no more. I cannot have you finish this job for me okay? I do not know if whatever follows the step I have failed in is fatal and cannot bear the thought of you becoming a martyr because of me. Please, leave it, it is my final wish.

I cannot tell you everything but I will try my best to explain what I am about to do. You know the Dark Lord sees me as a loyal ally, that I would never switch sides to support Dumbledore. Well, I have used the trust he has in me to go behind his back without being noticed and all without switching sides. I have discovered a secret and am not certain if Dumbldore knows of it but I decided to take it into my own hands with the knowledge I will not twist it to get the Dark Lord's attention and possibly ruin what could work. He was clearly not expecting anyone to discover it so I think it will work if I go into it without anyone but Kreacher and I knowing. What I am about to do will weaken the Dark Lord to the point where he can hopefully be destroyed for good. But I am afraid there is an extremely high chance of me dying in the process.

For you, I have likely already been dead for close to a day. I am sorry, it's true. There is nothing you can do about it now. I am so sorry.

Before I leave the house, I am taking down the wards but they are set to recover themselves exactly a week from now so if you wanted to visit and...look at the rest of the letters I have written you but was too scared to send, go ahead. I am no longer alive to stop you.

Please, tell my brother I am proud of him and how much he helped me get to this point, whether he knew of it or not.

And, one more message to you. I hope you live long past this day, I hope you will be happy for decades from here. I wish for you to live as fully and as long as possible. Take your life and go and live it, be happy. For me.

I wish you well, mon amour, and remember that even if it is no less than 100 years from now, I cling dearly to the hope that one day we shall meet again.

Je t'aime pour toujours.

One last time,

-R