After His Passing (Banana Fish)

II

The airport was full of people. So many people. Eiji closed his eyes, the swell of English words moving him like waves on the ocean tossing a small boat about. He knew that he was safe. Cognitively, he knew. But two years ago, he'd met a side of New York City that was anything but safe. He still bore the scars.

Would someone show up and start shooting at him? Would he be knifed in the side, just like Ash had been? He was shaking slightly, wanting to run but not knowing what he would be running from.

He was terrified.

"Eiji! Here!"

His eyes snapped open. Max Lobo was jogging towards him, waving. Max. The closest thing Ash had had to an actual father. Something softened inside Eiji, and he was no longer afraid. He let Max hug him, not minding the sudden embrace.

"Hey Max. It's good to see you."

There was an air of awkwardness, but he meant it. The memories he'd spent so long combing over were more tangible now that he was back and Max was there. He missed Ash. His eyes smarted slightly and he looked away.

"It's good to see you, too," Max said. "How have you been?"

"It's... It's been fine." What else was he supposed to say? How could he explain the weight he carried, the things he felt? It wasn't just grief. Ash was still with him, he knew that. But it was something no one else could understand. He didn't have words to discuss the way he whispered to Ash in the darkness, and felt he could hear a response.

"I understand. Jessica is waiting in the car, let me help carry your luggage."

"Thank you." Eiji knew as Max took his luggage that Ash wouldn't have agreed, would have called Max old and teased him and joked with him. Things Eiji didn't know how to do. Ash was someone so different. He missed him. It burned like acid, the absence of him.

Eiji barely noticed the car, even though Jessica honked the horn at him in a friendly greeting. Max loaded his things into the back, and Eiji found his way into the backseat. Jessica had sunglasses on, and for half a moment Eiji thought he was meeting Shorter's eyes in the rearview mirror. It made his heart lurch, and he felt suddenly out of his depth.

The car smelled like lemon candy and soap. Ash's lips had tasted like home. Eiji wanted to bury his face in his hands and cry, cry until the memories were bathed in crystalline perfection, preserved forever in a shining clear coating of love and its twin sister pain.

"Eiji, I'm glad you're back," Jessica said. He tried to smile at her. "Michael's been excited to see you." Michael. He'd been held hostage because of them, because of Ash and Eiji and that horrible drug.

"Really?" he asked, not able to comprehend that the child would want anything to do with someone who had brought him and his mother such awful people.

"Yeah! He still talks about you and Ash and Shorter sometimes."

Somehow, Eiji was hurting more at the mentions of Shorter than the memories of Ash. Ash he was used to missing. He never stopped missing him. And he had Ash, he spoke to him. But Shorter was separate, far away. Shorter was his fault. Shorter had died broken, died crying and screaming and afraid.

Eiji didn't have a response. He was jet lagged. His brain wasn't working. He sat quietly and tried not to let his thoughts spiral. He was already emotionally exhausted, and he'd only just arrived.

When Max and Jessica helped carry his things into their apartment, Michael was standing in the doorway to his room. He watched Eiji with wide, curious eyes, but he didn't say anything.

"Hi Michael," Eiji said, smiling a little.

"Hey," the boy responded, stepping closer. He seemed interested in Eiji, but the conversation died there.

"Are you ready for dinner?" Jessica asked, motioning at some salad that she'd made. "We thought it might be nice to eat early and let you take a nap for a few hours."

"That would be nice, thank you." Eiji helped her microwave some precooked chicken nuggets, and the three of them sat down to eat. Michael wasn't hungry, and instead played a videogame on the couch.

"So you're here to interview people about Ash?" Max asked, even though he knew that was the case.

"Yeah. What about you two? How did you know Ash?" Eiji pulled out his notebook, his fingers itching to do something useful, something that would feel like progress.

"You were there when I met him." Jessica said, shrugging. "There's not much more to tell of that story."

"I knew his brother first," Max said, quietly.

Jessica looked at him, clearly surprised. "Wait, really?"

Max was staring at the table as if it was a portal to another world. "Yeah. It was back in Iraq..."

THIRTEEN YEARS EARLIER

Griffin was sticking his fries up his nose when no one was paying attention. It shouldn't have been that funny, but Max could feel his sides aching from holding in his laughter. He'd only known Griffin for a couple of weeks, but he'd already decided that the man was a friend he'd keep. If they survived deployment, at least.

"Hey, Max!" Griffin threw him a wadded-up napkin, hitting him on the forehead. "See if you can throw food into my mouth!"

"You're gonna get in trouble," Max said, laughing, but he obliged anyway. Griffin had managed to catch two baby carrots before they got seen and scolded by a sergeant. At least they were punished together by having to clean the mess hall during their free hours. As they worked, they talked about their lives and histories.

"You have any siblings?" Griffin asked, wiping down a table.

"No. You?"

"I have a little half brother back home. He's the cutest thing you've ever seen," Griffin said, smiling dorkily.

"How old is he?" Max asked, able to tell that Griffin was an incredibly supportive older sibling.

"Seven. His name's Aslan. You got a girl?"

"Thought I was getting somewhere with one," Max said, "but she stopped talking to me. What about you?"

"Nah. Dad always said girls were too much trouble. I was pretty sure he just didn't know how to treat them, but if that's true then I'll have the same problem. My mom hasn't been around, so no one taught me how to be nice to girls."

"I'm sorry," Max said, mopping the edge of the room.

"It's fine. Dad keeps saying Aslan's mom chased her off, but I know that isn't true. Aslan's mom couldn't bear dad anymore than mine could. They both just ran as soon as they could." His voice fell silent, and Max didn't know how to continue the conversation. "Hey, Max?"

"Yeah?"

"We're buddies, right?"

"Definitely."

"Okay. When they send us off to Iraq... well, let's just make sure that we both come back together, alright?"

"Yeah," Max said, nodding at Griffin. "I promise."

"That's that, then," Griffin said. "Of course, I'm probably going to be promoted before you..."

"Hey!" Max yelped, mopping faster. "Not if I have any say in it!"

Laughing, they began to race with their chore. 

Each vote is another flower for Griffin 😔