Readers are perceptive. They know if they are reading extra words. When writers create a first draft, it's natural to put down an idea, then to think of something more you want to say, and finally to tack on a phrase to capture those additional thoughts. Rarely is the final result of original creative writing concise. Often the noun, verb, and object are out of order. But, in general, the sentence is sure to be wordy.
Also, in an original draft, your juices are flowing and you don't slow down to choose the best words for your meaning to be clear, or the most sense-stimulating words to bring your meaning alive. Don't worry, it's an original draft. It's okay for it to be a mess.
But in a revision, fixing the mess is the goal. But the fewest words is not always the answer either. In revision, you become a reader to check clarity, but return to being a writer to find better verbs. Not every sentence must be ordered noun. verb, object, but doing so will often reveal the extra words and phrases you don't need.
Exercise #1: Take any three non-dialogue paragraphs from your work and break them down into individual sentences. Find the root noun or pronoun of each sentence, tab to the middle of your page and put the root verb next. Use two or more lines for compound sentences. At the end of each line put the object noun or pronoun. Then add any leftover pieces of your sentence in chronological order.
John hit Sam.
This sentence cannot be tightened further, but your sentences will have more than three words in them.
Original: John hit Sam with his fist after shooting pool when he heard Sam admit to insulting Judy.
Fix: After shooting pool, John decked Sam with a right-hook for insulting Judy.
There are thousands of ways to fix wordy sentences, but I think the best way to learn how to do a good job of tightening is to work together through many examples. I've thought of a way to do interactive workshops on tightening. Together, I think we can take examples from your books and mine and practice tightening the wording together.
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Below is my draft introduction for my first Tightening Workshop, but I need your help to make this idea work. Comment on the draft with ideas to make it better, or clearer, OR go to the next chapter (Tightening Workshop 1) and comment with an example from your own book that you want help tightening. I'll update this chapter and the next chapter at least every Sunday if not more often, so you might see your book promoted inside my Grammar Tools within a week.
My one rule for fixes is that they be no longer than the original sentence. After all, this is a Tightening Workshop not a an Expand Your Word-count Workshop.
DRAFT
Tightening Workshop 1 is OPEN for 19 more examples. Comment on this paragraph with your Story Title, Chapter __ (number not name), : , Your (non-dialogue) sentence needing tightening. , Fix 1: , Your fix for your own sentence.
When I pick your example to replace one of my placeholders, Replies to your Example (Ex: 2, Ex:3, etc.) by other writers should begin with Fix 2 or Fix 3, etc. Once a Fix 2 reply is included in Grammar Tools with its author, new replies should begin with Fix 3, etc. up to Fix 5.
By commenting with a sentence or a fix, you are consenting to your sentences, handles, book titles, and fixes becoming part of Grammar Tools temporarily or permanently. Multiple Fix 2 replies by multiple writers are encouraged. I will erase, re-number, re-arrange, or include comments and replies as I think will improve this chapter for future readers. After Workshop 1 is CLOSED, we can all continue the discussion in T-Workshop 1 Thoughts until I open Tightening Workshop 2 for 20 more sentences needing tightening.
